Window To The Heart
by Elysia1
Summary: IN PROGRESS: An unlikely friendship is tested and discovered during one terrible year when Remus and Sirius are forced to examine what life and friendship really mean. Not slash. Set during OotP.
1. Prologue

Author's Notes: Thanks to my beta's; Ronnekins (who knows everything there is to know about the Blacks), Mary (who has beta'ing down to an artform!) and John (who is the quickest beta in the west!).

PROLOGUE - 'Toujours Pur'

The Story of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

The dark house was once the proudest in the land. The five story home was built on an acreage more than two hundred years ago, set on the outskirts of a growing and bustling city. Over the years London had encroached slowly upon the house, crawling and creeping over the vast property, such that, it faded like magic into the city. Now, it remained only a derelict of its former glory. The home, much like the story of the Ancient Blacks, remained empty, broken and contained only dark whispers. The thick smoke from London blanketed the area so that you could no longer see the stars from empty Black family home.

Sirius' mother claimed that when Sirius was born a shadow had fixed itself over the family. No one was sure why she disliked the Noble Families first born son and heir to the Black Fortune. Perhaps it was because Sirius never acted as she wished. He asked questions about his heritage, was often headstrong and unforgiving, admonished her for drinking, caused fusses at family and social gatherings, was Sorted into Gryffindor, befriended that Muggle lover Potter…

But if she disliked him then, she hated him after the winter he turned fifteen. For it was that winter that Caelum Black, the head of the Black family, was murdered - leaving the family fortune and namesake to her least favourite son.

If Sirius was a disappointment, Regulus, the second son and pride to the family, was not able to do much better. The boy lived with his mothers favour yet was essentially weak and it wasn't long before his fellow Death Eaters killed him. Of course, Sirius's mother soon followed. They say she died of a "broken heart" - yet everyone who knew Auriga Black understood that she had no heart to break, it was her potion addiction that poisoned her in the end.

It was no surprise to the people of the Wizarding World when the last of the Black family was dragged to Azkaban a convicted murderer and right hand man to You-Know-Who.

Thus went the story of the infamous Blacks.

Sirius whined.

"It's okay," coaxed Remus.

Sirius' family home stood before them. The red brick was now black and darkened; from Sirius position the house seemed extremely high. The tall house looked like a ruin, several of the windows broken, a large crack stretched down the side like a greedy hand trying to reach the broken steps that lead to the front door. In dog form, the stench from the house was unbearable.

"Come on," pressed Remus from the broken stoop. "Dumbledore will be here soon."

Sirius, as a Black, and owner of this ruin was the only one who could open the front door. Remus waited impatiently, his werewolf senses sharp, he could actually taste Dark Magic.

With a soft pop Sirius turned back into a man and quickly ushered his friend into the house. Pushing forth the black door and ignoring the heat from the old silver serpent knocker the pair wandered inside. The floorboards creaked and dust flew up around their feet. The house was dead, dry and musty. It looked as if it had been uninhabited for one hundred years instead of just ten.

The door creaked closed behind him.

"Lumos," Sirius whispered pulling out his wand. He could navigate this place in the dark, yet he preferred to be more prepared as he didn't know what might go 'bump' in the dark. The light shone down the hallway, illuminating the high ceilings and crocked pictures on the walls.

"Hello Son," snarled a crackled voice. "Welcome home."


	2. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Thanks to my beta's; Ronnekins (who knows everything there is to know about the Blacks), Mary (who has beta'ing down to an artform!) and John (who is the quickest beta in the west!).

CHAPTER ONE – Beginnings

For as long as Sirius could remember his mother had hated him. He remembered as a boy he would sit in his room and strain to try to find an image of his mother looking down on him with a smile. He would envisage her doting on him as she did with his brother, or her laughing at his jokes, or smiling proudly at him. Once he pictured his mother smiling gently as she looked over his cot, but now, the sands of time had eroded this image and he could not remember if it had been ever real at all.

It did not take long for the men to put up a large curtain in front of Auriga Black's massive life size portrait. They had tried in vain to take her down. Sirius hoped that when Dumbledore came later to cast the Fidelius Charm on the place he could also remove the worst thing that existed in this dark, gloomy house of hell. As it was, Sirius had to try to clean out areas of the house to be barely habitable without the luxury of making noise lest his mother wake.

"I'm back," Remus called up the stairs, he had gone out to get some essentials.

Sirius ran down to greet him. He hated being trapped in the house alone; it brought back frightful memories. Moreover, after a year of forgetting, of having dreams unhaunted by death, of days devoid of reliving his worst memories - to come back here - it made him feel as if he had returned to Azkaban.

It was not as if last years had not been hard, yet he had managed to build himself up again and begun to remember himself. He had spent time with Remus in foreign exotic locations on the run from the Ministry. The men had to move frequently as the Ministry were tracking Remus but they enjoyed their travels. They kept topics light; Sirius and Remus even went out to flirt with woman. They celebrated a life that they could now share, one that previously had held little left cherishing. They forgot all matters of seriousness and clung to each other in what could only be called hope. However, all that ended when Sirius knew Harry could be in trouble and they hurried back to London. Remus, too nervous to return to Hogwarts, went back to his home but Sirius had gone straight to Hogwarts, to Harry, his godson.

And then, after the last task…

"I found Mundungus, you were right he was exactly where you said he'd be. That guy is one slippery character. He already heard what is going on so believes us. I suppose that's nearly the last of the old crowd. When's Dumbledore supposed to get here?"

"He should be here already," Sirius replied checking his watch.

"He's late?" asked Remus.

"I am never late," Dumbledore said appearing before them, "I arrive exactly when I mean too."

"How did you?" Sirius began to ask, puzzled as to how one could Apparate through a hundred year old anti-apparition charm. His father had cast every protection charm there was available on this house, and his grandfather before him, and his grandfather before him... He had told Dumbledore he thought the extra protection unnecessary. Dumbledore, Sirius supposed, was making a point.

"Never mind," Sirius muttered. Dumbledore smiled congenially at the boys and chuckled.

After the pleasantries, Remus asked, "What do you need for the spell Professor?"

"I can begin now. I should be able to complete it in an hour, but can I trouble you boys to participate? I will need a flank and a stern."

"I'll flank," offered Sirius and he moved into position behind Dumbledore. By doing this, Sirius was offering to absorb any extra energy. It was a difficult job, as he would have to remain focussed and aware of the surrounding magic. As this was his childhood home he knew best how to navigate the magic.

Remus nodded and moved beside Dumbledore. The stern would direct the magic. The spell, being very complex, involved the caster as well as others in holding. As Remus moved into place he wondered what position Lily and James had taken as that rat Pettigrew had cast the spell.

As soon as Dumbledore started muttering the incantation the men had to concentrate. Sirius was working overtime as Dumbledore's excess magic was rampant; this man was immensely powerful. Sirius struggled to catch it all. The struggle however seemed to pass almost instantly, even though the spell took several hours. Suddenly, the spell was coming to a close and once Dumbledore lowered his wand Sirius collapsed.

_"Father, Father, look what I got!" I exclaimed running down the hall. My robes were dirty and my round childish face smudged with mud from running through the Muggle neighbours garden and hiding behind a big dirt mound near their driveway._

_"What?" asked my strict father, Caelum Black, in a bored voice, not looking over the paper. Our relationship was distant. He worked a lot and was never interested in my brother or I. At least he did not hate me, not like Mother._

_I pulled out a cowboy doll that was just as dirty as I was. My find! I had never seen a cowboy and thought the clothes interesting but the best thing was the string behind the cowboy's back. The Muggles had magic!_

_"Howdy partner," the toy said._

_My dad looked over the paper. "What was that? Do it again."_

_Dutifully I pulled the string. "Howdy partner," the doll replied._

_"That's a Muggle toy!" Caelum scolded. "What have I told you, you are to stay away from the Muggles on this street, if you need another belting to remind you then it can be arranged! Honestly, Sirius Black, what would the Ministry say?"_

_"But they didn't see me, honest," I pleaded at my fathers sudden burst. "I stole it father, stole it from those filthy Muggles."_

_His father's eyes wandered over me seeking out the truth, his fathomless black eyes pulling at my conscience. "All right then," the older man replied apparently satisfied, "just get rid of it before your mother sees it. You'll get germs."_

_My father turned back to the paper and I walked back to the dining room door. I had no intention of throwing out my new toy but I understood that if my mother found it she would be very angry; she hated Muggles with a passion. I was in the process of stuffing the doll in my robes when my mother swung around the door._

_"Sirius!" she slurred. Mother was propped up against the side of the wall, a glass full of dark liquid swinging dangerously in her hand. She smiled at my father drunkenly, hooded eyes half closed and full red lips. I have seen pictures of her and my father before they were married. She was beautiful once. The alcohol had aged her unflatteringly. She looked much older than she was, and her eyes tired and bloodshot. It was difficult to connect a beautiful woman beyond her pinched face, yellow teeth and extra chins. She dropped the glass when she saw me. _

_"What's this?" she screamed, leaping forward and grabbing the doll before I had the chance to hide it._

_"Auriga," said a warning voice behind me._

_My mother eyes were wide and full with dislike as she pushed me to the ground inspecting the doll carefully. She stumbled around the room prodding it and then pulled the string experimentally._

_"Howdy partner!"_

_"Venoloclus!" she hissed and it exploded._

_"No!" I cried reaching for it's tattered remains. The hand connected with my cheek before I even saw it coming. I hit the wall hard and slid down it with a thump._

_"Come on, Auriga," repeated my father. "We must go and change if we are to dine with the Malfoys this evening."_

_What he meant was she had to go and drink some sober-up potion. Even in polite society my mother was known as the drunk. My father helped her out of the room as house elves gathered around me._

"Sirius?" asked Remus.

"Sorry," Sirius replied groggily. He looked up at Remus, everything else looked dark. "Did it work?"

"Yes," Dumbledore answered, his moon shaped glasses and smiling face coming into Sirius's line of vision.

"Welcome to 12 Grimmauld Place," Dumbledore said and suddenly the room came back into focus. Remus helped Sirius to the kitchen and the men sat at the table. Dumbledore stayed with them to eat as he was drained also.

"The house is now ready for the members of the Order. I trust you have alerted the correct people?"

"Yes we have contacted most of the old crowd."

"I have been working at getting some new members, Arthur Weasley, Harry's friend Ron's dad who works at the Ministry has been able to convince a few people over to our side. His family should probably move in as soon as possible and I am arranging for Hermione to join them here as they are currently high targets."

Dumbledore was preparing for battle. The food had given them renewed vigour and the reality of their situation stuck home with Remus. There was a war on now, but if anyone could help them, it was Dumbledore. He owed his life to that man.

_I remember the day that I got my Hogwarts letter. It was the day after the full moon and my whole family was tired and weary. My youthful transformations were frightening, I spent the whole night howling, scratching myself, and clawing at the stone walls of the "shed" my father had built in the backyard. We sat silently in the kitchen, my mother pouring the last of the tea, resting her head in her hands as she continued to stir her tea long after the sugar had dissolved, and my father sat with his eyes half closed and head drooping to the side._

_When the owl arrived in front of my place setting, my parent's heads snapped up._

_"What is it Remus?" asked my mother, putting down her spoon on the unpolished wooden table._

Remus Lupin

The Kitchen

3 Trippen Way

Roselily

_"It's a letter for me," I answered, rubbing my fingers over the envelope and green ink. I wondered who would be writing to me, I never got letters except on my birthday, and this handwriting was not my nan's._

_"It's from Hogwarts," my father replied, plucking the letter from my hands._

_"Really?" questioned my mother, my father had only taken a look at the back of the envelope. My mother was a Muggle but on nights when the moon was new my father would tell us both of all sorts of magical adventures from his days at Hogwarts. The place was held in the highest esteem by both my mother and I, as we lived as Muggles in a very quiet town dreaming of adventure. My mother was often described as plain. She had soft brown hair, ordinary features, she was neither thin nor plump and her eyes were calm and dull, but when dad talked about Hogwarts her face would light, her eyes excited and faraway._

_When my parents met, my father swept my mother off her feet. They shared adventures as my father introduced her to his world. It was a fast and passionate love, they told me, and it wasn't long before they were married. _

_In the first throws of their marriage, they travelled, most people don't know it but I was born in Mauritius. My parents latest adventures had landed them there, my mother full term in the hottest of the tropics. I always knew that our lives would be different if it wasn't for my curse; maybe my mother might always look that carefree. _

_We were all forced to grow up too soon. _

_As my father read the letter, his face was passive. I had asked him once, whether I would go to Hogwarts. We knew I was magical, I showed late, but when I did it had force to it. I had frozen two of the neighbours. Solid._

_"Did I get in?" I asked from my seat at the breakfast table._

_My father read the letter, paused and then reread it. He was crying, something I had rarely seen him do. My mother quickly grabbed the letter and started reading it. I frowned, perhaps there was a chance, could I still learn magic? Would I get to learn at home? Could my father teach me? What of the dreams I had always had?_

_My mother shrieked, "Remus! You got in! You got in!"_

_"I what?"_

_"You got in! They know and they don't care. It says right here, Professor Dumbledore wants you to attend the school. Here look…."_

_She handed me the parchment,_

_"Mr. Lupin,_

_I am pleased to announce that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…."_


	3. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Thanks to my beta's; Ronnekins (who knows everything there is to know about the Blacks), Mary (who has beta'ing down to an artform!) and John (who is the quickest beta in the west!).

CHAPTER TWO - The Order of the Phoenix

Remus met every friend he ever had during those years at Hogwarts. It was difficult after school, there was so much prejudice, and he could never hold a job for very long. But those friends he made at Hogwarts, they were friends for life.

Remus was glad when he saw the familiar faces start to arrive, some of them Remus had seen recently as he round up the old crew that were members of the previous Order of Phoenix, but for the most part he hadn't seen these people since Hogwarts. Currently, it was only he and Sirius staying at the house but soon there would be others, and Remus was excited about having more people moving in, he couldn't say that in these past years he hadn't missed the lack of human interaction.

Sirius had missed it too. The only one Sirius had spoken too apart from Remus was the house-elf, Kreacher. The creature looked like a regular house elf with its lion cloth and fat nose, but acted anything but. Sirius had been trying to get the elf to help with the cleaning but the elf's muttering only made Sirius more uptight so the men. Besides the manual labour kept them busy and the men decided to do without Kreacher's help.

"What time did Dumbledore say the first meeting was?" Sirius asked Remus anxiously.

"Six," Remus answered, again. It was like being on a road-trip with a seven year old - 'are we there yet?'

Sirius nodded and the two returned to cleaning the dining room. This would be where the meeting was to be held, the room was quite large and after they had managed to clear out some Doxies from the cutlery chest, surprisingly not completely infested. Now the boys were working on cleaning the walls and polishing the table. The house was not responsive to magic and with the house-elf crazy they had little choice.

"So Dumbledore is telling everyone personally? Do you suppose some people might get here early?" Sirius asked, as he moved over to share the large dining room table Remus was polishing.

"They could do," Remus responded, tired and not knowing much more than Sirius did annoyed by the constant questioning.

"What's the time now?" Sirius asked, as he scrubbed a particularly nasty stain from the table.

"It's five minutes since last time you asked," Remus replied dutifully.

"So, it's four-thirty five?" Sirius questioned.

"Yes," Remus confirmed, his voice taking an edge too it as he continued buffing the table, taking deep breaths, calmed by the smell of the wood polish.

"Did you check?" Sirius accused.

Remus stopped polishing, closing his eyes for a brief second. "Yes," admonished Remus, "there is a clock behind you. It's says four-thirty five, five minutes after four thirty. The clock probably needs to be polished as well, perhaps you could move over there."

"Okayyyyy," responded Sirius, moving to the other side of the room.

Silence.

"When do you think people will get here?"

_I have always been patient. I was the patient marauder, the accepting marauder, the cautious marauder. The one who spoke reason when things got out of hand - when Sirius got out of hand._

_But this was too much._

_"You guys are seriously crazy," I said to the three eager sets of eyes before me. It was way past midnight and we all had classes tomorrow, none of which the boys had done homework for, except perhaps Peter. I would have to share mine tomorrow, as third year charms was becoming increasingly difficult, only Lily Evans was able to get them right first time. James, Peter, Sirius and I were sitting around the Gryffindor common-room table._

_"Remus, it'll be great! Imagine all the pranks we will be able to get up too and no-one will know that it's us!" Sirius said eagerly, Peter nodding behind him. We were the four trouble makers of the school. It was great, having friends._

_James looked thoughtful, he turned to me, "We have already looked at other options, and it's the only way. It will make it easier for you won't it?"_

_I opened my mouth to respond but there was nothing I could think to say. The voice of reason suddenly speechless. It's not that James was thoughtless, he was smart and funny but he usually, well, he was quite focussed on himself. And here they were, all three of them, their next plan more dangerous and crazy than any we had ever attempted._

_Sirius attempted to divert any hesitations, "Look Remus, we can do it in that room we found on the seventh floor, the one that has what you need in it. James is great at Transfiguration and we can research it and everything, I'll study and practice, I promise."_

_"I'm good at researching," Peter piped up, "I can even get books from the restricted section with James cloak. I probably won't be able to do the magic but I can help make sure it goes okay."_

_"You'll be able to do it Peter," said James, "we all will and Remus will never have to spend another full moon alone again."_

_I grinned, "What can I do to help?"_

Sirius moved over to the clock in a huff.

"Padfoot old friend, you are driving me crazy," Remus laughed. The men stopped their cleaning. Sirius looked guilty and summoned some tea.

"Sorry mate," he answered, "let's take a break huh?"

They drank tea in the half finished room.

"It's this house," Sirius said putting his teacup back on the saucer with a slow grace atypical to him. "I just want to die, you know? This place, this horrible filthy place."

"I know," Remus consoled. Sirius looked down at the table thinking_, I don't quite think you do_. He hated it here. Every second was as painful as the last, the memories burst unsolicited each time he entered a room, every one a reminder of why he had tried so hard to leave this place.

But Remus did, sort of. He had never been in this house before, and suddenly he felt closer to Sirius than he ever had before. As if he now understood more about the way Sirius was.

As it turned out, people didn't start to arrive until quarter to six. They had worked in silence till then, both focussing on the task at hand, minds wandering aimlessly. Sirius greeted each person at the front door.

They had been told of his innocence, Remus had loved the looks on people's faces as he told them. For those who knew Sirius, disbelief, then shock, then relief and grief - "of course," whispered Emmeline Vance, an old friend of them both from Hogwarts, with tears in her eyes. Those who didn't know Sirius were less inclined to believe him but when he said that Dumbledore trusted him, they would shrug and agree.

Sirius swung open the door with a large smile each time someone arrived, often embracing the person, while Remus tried to tell them to keep quiet lest Mrs Black awoke. Elphias Doge was trying to get out of Sirius' wild embrace when someone knocked at the door again.

Sirius still grinning madly swung the door open.

"You," he hissed and slammed the door shut.

"Let me in," growled a voice from behind the thick front door.

"You're not setting foot in this house," growled Sirius back. Remus had ushered Doge into the Dining Room with the others and caught the last of Sirius words.

Remus drew his wand. "What's the problem?" he asked quietly.

"It's him," gritted Sirius.

"Who?"

"You know who."

"You-Know-Who?!"

"No," Sirius said quickly, then spat, "Snape." Remus furrowed his brow, he remembered Snape from his time teaching at Hogwarts and while Remus never hated Snape as fiercely as James and Sirius he was neither fond nor accepting of him either.

"I can hear you," Snape drawled.

"He's not coming into this house," Sirius said to Remus pleadingly, even though Remus hadn't said anything nor had any power in the matter.

"What's the hold up?" growled another voice from outside, "Ain't safe out here, we could be attracting attention. Sirius quit your arm waving and open this door."

Remus opened the door quickly, Sirius silently fuming beside him. Snape sneered as he walked through after Mad-Eye following the ex-Auror to the Dining Room.

Dumbledore was the last to arrive, and closed the door with a lock and a charm before leading Remus and Sirius to the others. Dumbledore whispered to Sirius, "turn that frown upside down!"

Sirius wanted to punch the old man in the face, but followed him into the dining room.

_"Caedo," a soft voice hissed, and Severus Snape stepped out of the shadows._

_I flew across the hallway and landed with a thump._

_"Expelliarmus," Snape called, and my wand flew into his hand before I had a chance to grab it._

_Snape walked over to me wand drawn and smug expression fixed in place, "This is for your little trick last week Black. You think I don't know that was you?"_

_"You deserved it Snivellus," I sneered right on back. That ugly bat wouldn't have anything on me. I wondered how I could get back my wand. If only he moved a little closer._

_Snape edged toward me threateningly, his wand trained on my chest, my wand hanging loosely in his other hand. His deep eyes were filled with hate, anger and power but they didn't scare me. As soon as he took another step toward me I sprung forward onto Snape. We both fell to the ground. Snape had dropped my wand and it had begun to roll away. I made a move to grab it but he petrified me before I could make it._

_"Tut, tut, Black," Snape hissed angrily, putting his thin white fingers to his lips and bringing back blood. "You'll pay for that!"_

_"Diffindo," Snape hissed and a large gash sliced my arm. It hurt, for a second I wondered if he might actually be able to do some real damage. We had hated each other immediately. In first year the filthy little Slytherin knew more Dark Magic than the seventh years. He was probably jealous, jealous of my family and status, jealous that I didn't even want it._

_For a shy and socially impaired boy Snape had been quick to make friends in his house. The older pack of Slytherins, the Death Eaters in training took him under their wing immediately when they learned of his skill. And as much as I loathe admitting it, he did have talent, at least when it came to hexes and potions._

_But now, in fifth year, most of his older friends have graduated, leaving the bullying Severus quite unprotected. The marauders had taken that advantage, just where were they anyway?_

_"Your friends aren't coming," Snape sneered as if he had read my mind. "The Bloody Baron told them about a new passage on the fourth floor. They are currently half way on their way to Hogsmeade."_

_Snape laughed and cast another curse slicing my other arm. Was I scared? You bet I was, and hating myself for it at the same time. Where the hell was a teacher, another student, anyone?_

_"Hello Severus," a voice greeted._

_Anyone but her._

_"Bella," Snape smiled, his face becoming neutral in her presence. "Would you like a turn?"_

_Bellatrix__ smiled, "Hello cuz."_

_I was fuming, Snape would pay for this one._

_"Crucio," she hissed. A jet of light shot out of her wand towards my direction. It fizzed out though before it could impact. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding._

_"You have to mean it Bella," Snape said softly, moving toward my dark cousin, his voice soft, "it's in the inflection of the curse."_

_"Cru-"_

_"Don't," Snape stopped her, "Dumbledore will know, you'll get yourself in big trouble. Let's get out of here."_

_Bellatrix__ looked sour but agreed with him, spitting in my face as she stepped over me on her way back to the Slytherin commonroom._

_"Next time Black, I promise you," Snape hissed and he slunk away._


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Sirius sat at the table shooting daggers at Snape who was pretending to listen to Dumbledore. As a result, he had missed the first half of the meeting. The cheer Sirius had used to greet people at the door was long since expired.

It was only when they mentioned Harry that Sirius snapped back to attention.

"We will have to establish a guard duty. With the current climate I want someone watching the Dursley household twenty-four hours a day. Severus is correct, Voldemort may be weak but as soon as he returns to health he will be after Harry." Dumbledore instructed.

"Why?" asked Kingsley.

"His pride," responded Snape smoothly, "he won't stop until he kills him." Snape smiled eerily and directed his last words to Sirius.

Dumbledore nodded, "we should organise shifts of five hours each. It will have to be incognito because we don't want to cause questions on the street. Alastor has agreed to loan us his cloak and Mrs. Figg, a good friend of mine, lives near Harry, she is a squib but is more than happy to have her house set up as the meeting point. I have formed a roster and if anyone has trouble please let me know."

Dumbledore passed out parchment. "Now onto the Giants, I have heard initial word from Hagrid and the news is good. He and Olympe have located the population, it has taken him about a month to get there, but he and Olympe should be able to make contact shortly…."

"I'm not on here," Sirius burst, interrupting Dumbledore.

"Well, no," replied Dumbledore looking down at his roster and then he raised his eyes back to Sirius. "It is not safe for you to be out at the moment."

"But you said that we would use an invisibility cloak, plus my other protections, for God's sake he's my Godson!" Sirius demanded.

"Invisibility cloaks don't stop Aurors, or Dementors," growled Mad-Eye.

"He's my Godson!" Sirius repeated, standing angrily the table looking up at him.

"Sit, doggy, sit," hissed Severus, from the other side of the room.

Dumbledore shot Snape a warning glance and he at least had the decency to look abashed.

"Yes he is," Dumbledore agreed, "which is why it is important to have you safe. What would Harry say if he thought you were risking your life unnecessarily?"

Sirius sat back down in a huff. Remus gave him an apologetic look.

"Now as I was saying, I have given Hagrid gifts for the Gurg and we should hear more from him soon. As for the rest of Voldemort's plans we can only guess. Hopefully Severus will be able to provide us with more information soon."

Snape nodded but did not speak.

"Well the Goblins don't seem to believe the Prophet," Bill Weasley piped up to break the silence. "They believe Dumbledore 100, but aren't going to back us up or help us. Since moving into the London office I can see that they are making defense preparations on the bank so they are obviously not in league with You-Know-Who yet. They lost families last time and as their life spans are much longer than ours are still feeling the loss, but if the price is right and he was to offer them the freedoms they want…it's hard to say which way they will swing."

"We managed to get some more Aurors placed at Azkaban," Kingsley Shacklebolt, a new member to the Order said, "But Fudge won't move the Dementors and the Aurors won't be able to do much when they decide to revolt. Fudge has upped the numbers in my department though, so I should be able to persuade some of the Aurors who aren't as gullible as old Fudge to do some reconnaissance."

"What's your department?" asked Doge.

"Kingsley heads up the team responsible for the capture of Sirius Black," a pink haired witch answered. The group laughed. Sirius' laugh was fake but nobody noticed.

The others kept talking while Sirius studied the girl intently. She had a familiar face, heart-shaped with dark set eyes, her teeth were straight and she was smiling. He wished he hadn't missed the introductions.

"Tonks," a voice asked, and the girl looked up. Sirius spun to look at Mad-Eye as he asked 'Tonks' a question. While she answered Sirius racked his brain for where he had heard that name before.

_"Tonks?__ Ted-Gryffindor-Muggleloving-Tonks?" Narcissa cried completely disgusted._

_"Yes," Andromeda replied._

_"Ewww," Bellatrix replied, while Regulus and I laughed._

_Andromeda was the funniest of our cousins. She was always laughing and joking, it made time spent at my crazy Aunt's almost bearable. We were all holed up in the girls' bedroom while our parents continued to eat and drink downstairs._

_"Don't you think he is cute? You have to admit it Cissy!" Andromeda pressed nudging her sister in the ribs and laughing wildly. Narcissa and Andromeda were sitting on one bed, while Bella and I were sitting on the other bed playing Exploding Snap. Regulus was sitting on the floor as Bella and I wouldn't let him sit up with us and play._

_We had momentarily stopped our game to watch Narcissa and Andromeda. Andromeda and Narcissa were close in age and five years older than me and Bellatrix, every story about Hogwarts had us gripped on our seats as we would be starting in the next year. Regulus was the baby and wouldn't start until two years after that. Andromeda was still prodding Narcissa who was squirming to get out of her way. _

_Narcissa__ snapped, "Stop prodding me! For merlins sake. Cute or not, he's a mudblood Andromeda!"_

_Andromeda looked as if Narcissa had slapped her._

_Narcissa__ continued, "A crush on a mudblood! Honestly! What would father say?"_

_Andromeda stopped touching Narcissa, pulling back and mumbling, "I was just joking."_

_Narcissa__ straightened her clothes as she sat primly on the bed, "It's not funny at all, if father hears you saying that stuff you'll be in big trouble."_

_Bellatrix__ was still focused on the earlier announcement. "They let mudbloods into Hogwarts!" she exclaimed._

_"Of course they do," Andromeda answered._

_"Well, Lucius thinks they shouldn't," answered Narcissa promptly, "and his father is on the Board of Governors. It's that old crazy nut Dumbledore that lets them in. Half-bloods is one thing, mudbloods is another story, they don't even know what magic is before they come."_

_Andromeda huffed and moved to sit with Regulus on the floor, "They aren't that bad. Honestly Cissa you sound like Lucius, it's not like they are contagious!"_

_"Well they might as well be. And as Lucius is one of the most respected people in the community, I hardly think sounding like him is all that bad," Narcissa huffed in response._

_"Honestly Cissa, he's old," Andromeda whined and Regulus giggled. She ruffled his hair fondly still smiling while Narcissa shot daggers at her from her seat on the bed._

_"He's not old, he's not even thirty yet. You're just jealous because he is interested in me!" she shrilled. Bella and I edged away from her, Narcissa and Andromeda got on well most of the time but they could have some pretty nasty fights._

_"I'm not jealous at all, I'd rather marry a flobberworm than that old racist!" Andromeda shouted back, jumping up._

_Regulus ran over to hid behind me and Bella. The two girls were standing face to face. Narcissa's long white hair electric and her arms crossed over her lithe body. Andromeda's brown eyes flashed dangerously._

_"You!"__ Narcissa spat as she grabbed the end of Andromeda's brown ponytail pulling the hair._

_"Owwww!" shrieked Andromeda as she tried to scratch Narcissa._

_"Fight!__ Fight!" cried Bellatrix wildly and she started jumping on the bed. Narcissa and Andromeda were now rolling on the floor screaming at each other._

_"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" yelled my Aunt as the door swung open. She stood her thin faced flushed red with anger. Even as a small woman she commanded power._

_Narcissa__ and Andromeda sprung apart._

_"Nothing," both muttered. There were tears in their eyes and Narcissa was sporting a large scratch on her face._

_"WE ARE TRYING TO HAVE A NICE DINNER! DO I NEED TO GET A HOUSE ELF UP HERE TO WATCH YOU! HONESTLY GIRLS! NOT ANOTHER PEEP!"_

_The door slammed shut and we all stood shocked into silence. Bellatrix was still grinning, for once her mother's anger not directed at her. Regulus was starting to cry, I patted him on the back reassuringly. Narcissa and Andromeda were looking at each other with the upmost loathing._

"Come on Sirius, the meeting is over," nudged Remus, and Sirius snapped out of his revere as people were standing to leave. Suddenly, he didn't want anyone to go and leave him in this house.

"Does anyone want to stay for dinner?" he burst.

"This is quite good," Tonks said, a while later with a mouthful of mashed potato. The Order had cleared out and there were piles of food on the table.

"Remus cooked," Sirius offered as he watched his cousin. She was so full of enthusiasm, it rubbed off. He was laughing and finishing the first hearty meal in a long time.

Remus smiled, "I'm glad you like it, feel free to drop by anytime."

Mundungus had stayed for dinner too, he and Sirius were old friends and Mundungus was telling Tonks crazy stories about Sirius. None of the others had stayed but Arthur and Molly Weasley had pulled Sirius aside after the meeting to thank him for offering to have them over.

"No trouble," Sirius had muttered, "not that it's much of a place at all."

"Don't talk such nonsense, with all the extra pairs of hands we should be able to fix this place up in no time," Molly had said.

Mundungus had finished his dinner and was lighting a pipe which Sirius stared at enviously. Mundungus continued with his story, "Well, Sirius 'ere goes 'not if I have anythin' ta do with it' and everyone in the pub looks up. He jumps up on tha table an there he is ready ta fight, but he's forgotten that Marcus has vanished his pants!" Tonks and Sirius burst out into laughter.

That night Remus and Sirius slept well, but it was the last night Remus was afforded that luxury. The next week he slept with disturbed dreams.

In the week they had had the Order over several times to organise numerous missions. The Weasleys' and Hermione had moved into the place and while adding much needed company for Sirius it made Remus awkward and Molly and Sirius were frequently at odds.

Remus was also uncomfortable in Order meetings when Sirius would volunteer for missions- only to have Dumbledore say that he mustn't leave the house. Like he was talking to a child Dumbledore had to explain it to Sirius each time and convince Sirius to stay put. In some small thanks, Remus was grateful that Snape wasn't in the meetings that week.

On top of that the full moon was approaching which always made Remus tired and edgy. Sirius was all over the place, up then down, angry then sad. He was whining all the time, and thoughtless, simply thoughtless. Remus tried to tell himself but he was adjusting but on the Saturday he just snapped.

"Maybe we can have a run about come full moon?" Sirius asked eagerly after the Order members had left another uncomfortable meeting of Sirius demanding he be able to talk to Harry.

"There's a potion now, remember," Remus responded, "I can just curl up and sleep for the full moon."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Fun? You think this curse is fun!" The moon was too close and Remus was jumpy.

"Sorry Moony," Sirius said quickly.

"God's I know it's hard to be here but think for a second, just think," Remus countered.

"I'm trying!" Sirius snapped, he didn't need to be scolded like a two year old, he got enough of that from Dumbledore.

"It's okay," Remus responded.

"Don't patronise me. You don't have to do this Remus. You don't have to stay here you know, I don't need a babysitter."

"Is that what I am?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Sirius, you're my best friend, my only friend," Remus said shaking his head in frustration. "You're problem is that you wear your emotions out for everyone to see, and then you deny having them. I know you're hurting, I can see that you are hurting and it's eating me up inside. Because when you're hurting, I'm hurting as well Padfoot. I want to be here for you but do you have to make it so bloody difficult."

"Don't bother Remus, I'm fine," Sirius scoffed and closed his face, dark eyes still full of hurt.

Remus sighed.


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

_I had always felt like an outcast, even in the group there was division. Together we were the marauders, but really, it was James and Sirius with Peter and me as the tag-alongs. Not that I was close to Peter either, we were both loners._

_Even in seventh year after we had become much closer I still felt as if I didn't know any of them. There were things we discussed, girls, Quidditch, classes, girls - and there were topics we didn't, Sirius' family, Death Eaters, my condition, Peter's virginity, our fears for the future…. Well at least nobody discussed these things with me. _

_So it was when one of these topics cropped up that we all didn't know how to act around each other. I often wondered, back then, did we even really know each other at all? Back then, did it really matter?_

_We were all on edge, the war was escalating. When Sirius brother had joined the Death Eaters - he was still so young - we had a blow up that had been long awaited._

_"Maybe you can talk to him?" I asked Sirius._

_Sirius looked at me as if I hadn't heard a word he had said. "In case you have forgotten I moved in with James two years ago."_

_Of course he did, those two were inseparable. It was just another nagging jealousy. If I had known why back then, maybe, just maybe it could have changed some things….._

_"He's your brother, surely you can still talk to him," I said. I didn't understand why Sirius was so at odds with his family, he seemed ungrateful. They were rich, purebloods, and my family, we were nothing like them._

_"Well, it shows how much you know about it," Sirius growled._

_"Don't get angry at me Sirius. That's the whole point, if you weren't so closed all the time maybe I would know more about it."_

_"Me, closed? That's a laugh. Remus-bloody-Lupin won't tell a soul anything. Do you know how difficult it is to be your friend?"_

_"Well, don't bother," I snapped, like it was any of his business._

_"Guys," James pleaded. Of course, James, the more mature version, now with added sensitivity. He was driving us nuts._

_"Shut it Prongs," Sirius snapped, and for once I agreed with him. Whenever we started to be real people James had to butt in. His awakening it seemed didn't include reality, he was still as naïve and spoilt as he always was - albeit a little less conceited about it._

_"I just think you should make more of an effort with your brother," I said and shrugged hoping to drop the topic. I don't know why I got so heated about it in the first place, maybe it was because of my brother, maybe if he, maybe if…. _

_"Don't judge me! You don't know what it's like to have a brother," Sirius snapped._

_"I did once," I all but shouted._

_"No you didn't," Sirius argued, as this information didn't fit in with what he had known for seven years. His arrogance annoyed me._

_I tried to remember my brother, when my parents brought him home. I remember being jealous, and that first chance I got to hold him. They made me sit on the couch and be really still. I held him and talked to him as if he could understand the words that I was saying. After holding him that first time, sitting so still and patient as if one movement would break him, all the jealousy I'd had just washed away. I wanted to teach him everything._

_"I wasn't the only one attacked that night, he was barely a year old," there was no need to explain what night. They all knew, it was the night my nightmares became a part of me. I hadn't noticed my voice drop to nearly a whisper, I wanted to hurt Sirius like I was hurting. Suddenly reflective I muttered half to Sirius half to myself, "When I got my condition, that night, it changed everything. My parents never tried for children again."_

_Sirius just gaped. Then open and closed his mouth at my admission. I shouldn't have provoked him. I could tell he was sorry, that I had hurt him. I had cut him deep and oddly I didn't feel any better._

_He gasped, his grey eyes teary. James was silent, hovering, I had this strange feeling he wanted to hug me._

_"I'm sorry Padfoot," I eased the sudden tension, "I guess I would just do anything to have him back again and it makes me mad that you have your brother right there and you just want to let him slip away," I whispered._

_I was ready for dealing like this, for getting close to them; we had being playing games for so long. It was our last year of Hogwarts, there was a war for God's sake, at this stage we couldn't hide from each other anymore. I didn't realise how beautiful it would be when I was getting to know them too, and I really wasn't prepared for Sirius' admission._

_Sirius broke down. "I don't want to lose him Moony, believe me I don't, but you don't know my family. They are proud of him. He wants to be a Death Eater, and they praise him for it. They want me to be one too…_

"You're not fine," Remus countered rubbing his eyes, "for goodness sake Padfoot stop acting so pigheaded. Let's just deal with this together."

They weren't in school anymore, they weren't going to dodge topics they didn't want to talk about and Remus would be damned before he let Sirius close himself up again. Sirius smacked his head.

"Sorry Moony," he offered, "I wasn't thinking."

Remus sighed loudly, "That is fairly common now-a-days. I'm sorry too, the full moon is making me edgy."

Sirius grinned apologetically, "You remember how fun those nights were together."

"We could have gotten someone killed," Remus said.

Sirius nudged Remus playfully, "But we didn't. You've gotten so old good friend."

Remus laughed, "You're not looking much better yourself." He looked at Sirius, and the thin lines that stretched across his forehead. As Remus looked around the house of horrors he thought it wasn't just Azkaban that caused them. He understood more about Sirius now, more about this house, his family, his motivations. Remus relaxed, "We did have fun didn't we?"

Sirius already had a faraway look in his eyes, "you bet we did."

_"A rat!__ I still can't believe Peter is a rat!" I laughed as James lead the three of us into the forest. I was jumping over logs and Peter was stumbling behind me. It was dark but we didn't dare cast any spells. We crept around the edges of the forest to the Whomping Willow._

_This was the first time we would do the transformation together, the four of us. Peter had just been able to perfect his transformation this week. Remus was already waiting for us in the Shrieking Shack._

_"Don't mock me," Peter pleaded._

_"A rat is good Peter," James said, "you can sneak everywhere, I wish my form wasn't so big."_

_I laughed, "Ha! Only you would be a bloody great big stag - we should call you Prancer!"_

_James shot me an angry glance, but I knew there was nothing in it. _

_"Or Prongs," Peter suggested._

_"Prongs?"__ James laughed all anger forgotten, "I like that! Let's get started. Peter now that you're here you can transform first and go and press the knot under the tree. Then you can climb on me and we'll all go through."_

_The first time I had seen the wolf I had been shocked. Remus was so unassuming and this thing really was a monster. James and I had been too excited to wait for Peter, so the two of us had joined Remus in the shack. Unfortunately the shack was too small for a werewolf, a stag and a dog. We had done a bit of damage to each other that night. Now there were four of us I hoped we could lead Remus out into the forest. Even so, in the shack after the three of us had nearly ripped each other to pieces, the wolf, or Remus, I don't know which. It knew us. You should have seen Remus' smile the next morning, there was no way we would leave him alone after that._

_Peter transformed and darted to the knot. When the tree froze James and I took the opportunity to transform and get down the passage. When we reached the wolf I could almost swear that he was smiling._

_That night, that first night, the four of us, it was amazing._

Sirius was bearable after that. He loved talking with Ron and Hermione about Harry, as they were as anxious to see Harry as he was. The three of them along with Remus volunteered to clean out the girls' room after dinner.

"Ron," Hermione hissed and kicked him.

"What?" Ron asked. Hermione flicked a glance in Remus' direction. Remus, Sirius, Ron and Hermione had collapsed in the middle of the bedroom Ginny and Hermione were supposed to be sharing. They were nearly finished but the work was quite exhausting and they had resorted to sharing tales upon the uncomfortable floor.

"Don't worry, I'm not your teacher anymore," Remus assured them.

Ron snickered, "She probably just doesn't want me to tell you that hers was a cat hair and she grew a tail!"

Hermione groaned and Sirius laughed loudly, it sounded like a large bark!

"And you and Harry?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Ours were alright, we turned into Crabbe and Goyle and went into the Slytherin Commonroom."

"Wow!" Sirius exhaled, "We didn't get in there till seventh year did we Moony?"

Remus didn't get a chance to answer as Ron said, "I still can't believe you guys are the 'Marauders', Fred and George reckon you guys are Gods."

"Well, from what I've seen of Fred and George they are giving us quite a run for our money," Remus said kindly. The twins were out getting their Apparation licenses and Remus dreaded to think what that would mean.

"So, did you find out who it was?" Sirius asked, reverting back to the original story, eager for information about Harry.

"Not that time," Ron said, "although Malfoy's father did have something to do with it in the end."

"Rotten snake," Hermione said.

"Well, don't worry, he's being followed by the Order," Sirius assured them. Remus shot him a glance.

"Really?" Ron asked eagerly, "what else is the Order doing?"

"We can't say," Remus interrupted and groaned as he lifted himself from the floor. "I dare say Sirius has said quite enough."

"Aww, come on, Mum won't tell us anything," Ron whined.

"With good reason," Remus advised. Sirius looked as if he had wanted to tell Ron more but closed his mouth and returned to work. "Anyway we should finish this room if the girls want to sleep without interruption tonight."

The others got up unhappily and turned back to do their work - the room now chillingly quiet. The minutes were slow and Ron was hoping that Ginny would have finished helping his mother with clearing up after dinner so she could come upstairs. Suddenly, there was an extremely loud tapping noise. The four heads lifted and looked out the window. Hovering outside the grimy third story windowpane was snowy owl. It was Harry's owl and she was tapping fiercely at the glass.

"That's Hedwig!" Hermione exclaimed as she rushed over to the bird. Harry had been writing to her and Ron all summer. Each letter he wrote was demanding answers that she couldn't give. But Hedwig had never acted like this before.

Ron helped her open the window that was stuck in place from little use and the owl flew straight into Sirius.

He quickly untied her and looked at the three letters.

Each were written in the same hurried script:

_Ron, Hermione, Sirius_

Sirius threw the others their letters and Remus, now worried by Hedwig's screeches moved to read the letter over Sirius shoulder.

_"I've just been attacked by Dementors and I might be expelled from Hogwarts. I want to know what's going on and when I'm going to get out of here."_


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"What?" Ron exclaimed loudly.

"What does he say?" Hermione asked and she rushed over to Ron. "Same as mine," she muttered, and yelped as Hedwig swooped down and nipped her hand.

Sirius had already thundered out the door. Remus looked over to Ron and Hermione who were crying out as Hedwig continued attacking them.

Ginny ran into the room, "Gods, what's happening here? Sirius nearly bowled me over." She ducked as Hedwig swooped over her too.

"Harry's been attacked," Remus answered, "he's fine," he assured Ginny even though he wasn't sure himself. Then again, if Harry wasn't alright he wouldn't be able to write.

"Owww, stop it Hedwig," Ron cried, batting his arms at the owl.

"Just stay here," Remus told Ginny as he made a move to the door, the bird now swooping at everyone in the room.

"You may have to stun her," Remus called, as he raced off after Sirius.

Sirius already had his head poked through the fireplace. _What was he doing?_ Remus panicked, the fireplaces could be watched, and he could get caught!

"What the hell is happening!" Sirius yelled. Molly and Arthur had come into the room and looked to Remus for answers.

"Something is up at the Dursley's," Remus answered.

Sirius moved back and suddenly Dumbledore stepped into Grimmuald Place looking madder than Remus had ever seen him.

Sirius was thrusting his finger into Dumbledore's robes, "what the hell happened? What's this about Dementors!"

Dumbledore was holding a piece of paper and muttered a spell and the note disappeared. He pulled another parchment and quill from his robe.

"Dementors!" exclaimed Arthur, "in Little Whinging?"

Hermione and Ron scrambled into the room, Ginny and the twins taking up the rear.

"What's happening?" they were bellowing at the same time.

"I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GODSON!" Sirius shouted.

"Stop bellowing Sirius," Dumbledore all but shouted back and the room went into shocked silence. Dumbledore quickly scribbled another red letter and sent it off with a tap of his wand. He tapped his wand on the table and it emitted bright white sparks. After consulting a watch only he could read he turned his attention back to the silent observers.

"I fear we will have to move Harry out from the Dursley's sooner than we expected," Dumbledore said.

Dumbledore turned to the children, "Harry is fine, it would be best if you went off to bed. And remember what I told you earlier, do not tell Harry anything, owl post is not safe."

Ron looked as if he might argue but Hermione nudged him, yelling at a teacher was one thing but apparently yelling at Professor Dumbledore was quite another. Hermione herded Ron and Ginny out of the room and Remus saw from the glint in her eye that she wasn't exactly happy about it, nor was it unlikely that they would be standing outside the door with fleshy bits of string stuffed in their ears.

"Two Dementors did appear in Little Whinging today," Dumbledore said before Sirius started shouting again, "Harry was with his cousin and was able to dispel them with a Patronus. Unfortunately, the Ministry of Magic is aware of this."

"The Ministry of Magic? Who gives a stuff about them, Harry could have died!" Sirius cried, "Who the hell was on watch?"

It was at this moment that Mundungus Fletcher burst into the room, the kitchen door flung open. Mrs Black was screeching in the hallway and the Weasley children and Hermione looked caught in the act standing behind Mundungus staring into the room fleshy skin coloured string dangling from their ears.

"Dumbledore," Mundungus began quickly, "I…..you see…."

"You have made a terrible mistake," Dumbledore said gravely, his voice barely containing his anger and the disappointment in his face evident. Sirius could remember that look.

_I scuffed the red rug on the floor not daring to look back up into the Head Masters eyes._

_"Mr Black," Dumbledore demanded. I nodded my mind thick with guilt. "I hope you have understood the severity of the situation."_

_My eyes stung, I continued to focus on the patterns of the floor._

_"Yes sir," I answered struggling to keep the quiver from my voice, "I'm so sorry."_

_Dumbledore cupped the bottom of my face curving it up to look into his omniscient blue eyes._

_"It's not me you should be apologising to Sirius."_

Dumbledore really gave Mundungus a rousing, and the shifty character had nothing to say in his defense. Mundungus bit his lip guiltily and edged back out of the kitchen once Dumbledore had finished.

Unknowingly he backed into the children who were still frozen in place by the door. They scampered up to their bedrooms and Sirius followed Mundungus out of the room, no doubt to serve the man another lecture.

Remus tried to consult Dumbledore who looked tired and fearful, "What should we do now?"

"There is not much else we can do tonight," Dumbledore said as he collected his parchment from the table.

"Do we know Harry is okay?" Molly demanded, Remus could tell she loved Harry fiercely, there was just something about that unassuming boy.

"Harry is safe, for now." Dumbledore replied and then instructed, "Arthur, tomorrow I want you to see what Fudge is trying to do for Harry's hearing."

"Remus, you will have to rouse the others. We will need a few members to evacuate Harry. We have a meeting set for the 6th so at least we know we can get everyone together then. See if you can put together a team to leave before the meeting."

Remus nodded.

"The 6th?" asked Molly, "That's four nights away! Harry is likely to go mad."

"I know," Dumbledore said sadly, "But we will need the time to prepare. I am very worried for Harry's safety."

"FOR CAULDRONS!" bellowed Sirius voice from the other room. "AND YOU BROUGHT THEM INTO THIS HOUSE!"

Molly turned toward the noise, no doubt to go and give Mundungus another lecture.

"Harry is safe, I think we should all just get some good sleep so we can go about helping Harry tomorrow." Remus instructed Arthur who looked out after Molly. Dumbledore nodded in agreement and Disapparated.

Edging into the dirty living room Remus wondered how he could calm Sirius. Sirius however was already quiet.

Collapsed on a chair Sirius looked worse than he had in Azkaban. His hands were wringing fiercely and Mundungus stood hopelessly beside him. Arthur had taken Molly upstairs.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius' old friend croaked.

Sirius still focused on the wall, his eyes glazing over.

"It's alright," Remus said putting a gentle hand on Mundungus' shoulder.

The man nodded. The sparse living room was littered with brass cauldrons, and Sirius remained silent.

Remus didn't have to say anything before Sirius started up again, and he knew he would not be getting a good night's sleep.

Sirius shook his head angrily, and looked up at Remus.

"I just don't believe it," Sirius huffed and puffed in the chair at a loss for words.

Then he jumped up and Remus unconsciously edged backwards. Remus waited patiently while Sirius paced up and down the room. He knew better than to interrupt.

"I'm locked up here, and Harry's not even safe. I mean, they should… Well, if they had let me do the watch then Harry wouldn't have come close to dementors. Honestly, they had a squib for protection! A squib against Dementors! It may be well and good for Dumbledore to be running the Order but when it comes to Harry I think I know best!"

_"That slimeball!__ That greasy, filthy, stinky, good for nothing slimeball!" Sirius' shouting could be heard from beyond the Fat Lady and when the portrait swung open the Gryffindor marched into the room. _

_"We'll get him back," James assured Sirius, tailing along behind, but Sirius was already pacing the lengths of the room. Peter and I looked up at the pair while others scampered._

_"The whole Slytherin lot, we have to show them," Sirius growled, reminding me of his dog form._

_I didn't really know what Sirius had against the Slytherins. Sirius and James seemed to get into fights with them every other day now. _

_"Guys, maybe we should let it drop," I suggested. I had been given prefect this year, probably to try and get them to show some restraint, a whole fat lot of good that did it._

_Sirius span mid pace and directed his anger at me._

_"LET IT DROP! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY HAVE DONE! That cockroach Snape snapped my wand, two weeks before OWLs. It was my father's old wand, he'll be furious when he finds out! It's about the only bloody thing I want from my family and that stupid prat went and snapped it. Not only that, bloody Regulas and Bella didn't do a thing about it. They know what that wand means, and I can't wait to see fathers face when he finds out."_

Remus couldn't remember how they ended up falling asleep but in the morning he had a headache and a crocked neck.

He closed his eyes again and rolled his head forward, he could hear the joints in his neck snap.

"That doesn't sound healthy," said Arthur from the door. The Weasley senior had stuck his head through the living room door obviously on his way out to work. Remus grimaced as he lifted himself out of the chair.

"He awake?" Arthur asked gesturing Sirius who was spread on the other living room chair.

"No," Remus answered his voice croaky and deep, quietly moving out into the hallway and closing the door behind him.

"I think it's best we let him sleep," Remus said. "Arthur can I get you to check with guys at the Ministry to see they can help me with the advance guard. I'll have to round up the others."

Arthur agreed. "He won't be happy, but I will have to go out," Remus said as he gestured back to the living room where Sirius slept.

"No," Arthur said sympathetically, "I can check with the Order members and I'll let you know tonight. See you."

"Have a good day," Remus said as Arthur went out the front door and he turned to the kitchen. Molly was already up making a huge breakfast.

"Morning Molly," Remus greeted the matriarch as he settled himself at the table.

"Morning, what do you feel like for breakfast? I thought we would whip up a treat as the twins got their Apparation licenses and it might help relieve some tension from last night. Did the twins wake you? They arrived home quite pandered in the early hours of the morning."

"I didn't hear a thing, and coffee is just fine for me Molly, I have to get going soon," Remus said.

Molly nodded and started preparing coffee as the twins popped into the room.

Amazingly they looked just as mischievous as they always did, they must have accessed a healthy hangover cure. Ron, Ginny and Hermione busted in a few seconds later.

"You got them then!" Ginny exclaimed, running around the table to her older brothers.

"First try," George said.

"You're looking at official," Fred began.

"Magic wielding fellows!" Fred answered and as if to prove a point he summoned a glass of orange juice and the twins sat with their legs propped up on the table.

Molly bustled past pushing the twins feet down and set a feast before them all.

"Your father has already left for work," Molly explained, "We have a lot to do today. Now you boys can use magic outside of school," Molly directed at the twins, "You can be a real help at cleaning up the third floor."

"Great, we can finally use our magic on the holidays and our first spells will be cleaning charms," Fred muttered to George.

The table, minus Molly, laughed.


	7. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

_The pain was unbearable._

_My mother just smiled as she turned up the heat._

_"You boys need to toughen up," she bellowed erratically, her eyes wild and hair electric._

_The heat hit my back and again I cried out in pain. Regulas was whimpering below me. I wrapped my naked body around his small shoulders but his arms and legs were already red raw._

_The water beat down at us both as we huddled together in the shower. Only eight and not use to direct heat, my body ached as I tried to shield the younger Regulas who was crying out in pain._

_"It's time you boys started acting like men," she shouted. "Grow up, or you'll never survive out there!"_

_Her voice was threatening and her wand hovered over the showerhead, with each flicker the temperature increased._

_"Mum!" I bellowed, the water sizzling, it had slashed across my face and the pain in my back was excruciating._

_She seemed to falter for a moment and I realised that Regulas had fainted his dead weight pulling on my arms._

_"Regulas," I whimpered shaking him, the water still running hot through my hair and my eyes stinging as I tried to look around the shower. I clasped them back shut as all I could see was red._

_"You are nothing to me," mother whispered, her voice croaky from the drink. Another wave and the water increased it's heat._

_I could do nothing but scream as I heard the skin peeling from my back with a sizzle._

Sirius jolted awake in the dark room, although not covered by blankets he was boiling. He shifted in his chair to settle back down to sleep.

In the other room Remus excused himself from the table and set off towards the shower.

As the hot water beat down on his back Remus tried to clear his head. What was he doing here? Playing messenger boy? Babysitting? He couldn't help but think perhaps he should be out in the field. Doing more, Voldemort was back.

He had to stay for Sirius, Sirius who proved just last night he needed Remus more than ever. Resigned to playing house boy for a while longer Remus dried himself and looked forward to getting out of Grimmuald Place.

"Hey Emmy," Remus greeted as he walked through the front room and out to the kitchen of the Vance home.

"I have told you boys a thousand times not to call me that," Emmeline Vance replied setting down her teacup and saucer not turning around to greet her guest. Emmeline Vance had an estate on the Western coast of Scotland. Not accessible by floo but an easy Apparation from the local wizarding pub.

"And I have told you a thousand times to lock the doors and put some wards on this house," Remus countered smoothly.

Emmeline chuckled and her hand nervously fluttered, "Dear Remus please join me."

Remus settled himself down at the head of the table. Emmeline's kitchen was large, the kitchen benches were littered with paper and the large oak dining table facing an all glass wall. The view was spectacular, from Remus' position he could see over a small grassy garden to the gentle curve that ran up to headland. There was a small old blue lighthouse settled on the top and Remus could remember seeing it on his last visit. It was night then, and even in the stormy darkness the view was breathtaking. A light flicked like clockwork right into this very room illuminating their faces.

"Tea?" Emmeline asked interrupting Remus' thoughts. A tea set wandered over and began serving itself. Emmeline summoned a large tray of shortbread and she took two biscuits, pushing the rest to Remus.

Remus chuckled as her tea-set added three spoons of sugar to his already milky tea.

"Ahh, I'm afraid it only serves one way."

Remus grimaced slightly at the sweetness but swallowed a large gulp.

"What are you working on here," he asked as he set his cup on a stack of papers.

"Another novel," Emmeline sighed, her voice wispy and tired, "of course my publisher only wants another romantic epic but I fear my heart is empty, once swollen and now terribly dried up." She let her hand flutter close to her chest in the telling of her troubles and then it fell sharply to the table.

Suddenly changing tone she leant forward and asked eagerly, "Do you come with news from the Order? Oh what a tale of secrecy and intrigue. Tell me what it is you need me to do? What ambitious journey do you need me to partake. What perils shall this heroine meet."

Remus laughed, "Oh Emmy, you sound as batty as old Trelawney. Unfortunately it is not half as drastic as that."

"No," Emmeline sighed dropping her act and picking up her pen. "Oh well."

"We are organising an advance guard to take Harry to headquarters," Remus explained, losing a biscuit in his milky tea. "We will need people to fly from his home in Surrey to London. Of course, you can Apparate to his neighbour's house first. She is a squib but has been helping us in our efforts."

"Harry Potter?" Emmeline asked, her voice suddenly losing all false quality.

"Yep."

"I'll be there," Emmeline agreed. "Oh, tell me Remus does he look much like James and Lily?"

"A spitting image," Remus smiled and the atmosphere turned somber. Remus offered Emmeline a half turned smile and she shook her head sadly.

"So when are we collecting him?" asked Emmeline.

"On the sixth," Remus answered.

"So I won't have to attend the Order meeting?" Emmeline asked raising her eyebrow.

"We are moving the meeting back a few hours."

"Oh."

Silence filled the room and Emmeline began fidgeting with her papers. Remus extended his hand to her.

"Remus, do you think he will ever forgive me," she whispered.

"Of course he will," Remus assured her stroking the top of her hand.

"I thought he was a murderer," she muttered trying to fight back tears.

"We all did. The war changed us, he wasn't the same, and we weren't the same."

"Still, I should have known, he would never. Of course it was Peter, and now that I think about it I don't know how there was ever any doubt in my mind. And I, I betrayed Sirius when he needed me, and by doing that I betrayed James and Lily too."

"Emmeline, I was his best friend and even I doubted him. He still loves you Emmy, that won't change," Remus consoled her.

"He won't even look at me," she muttered and tears started streaming silently down her face. "I don't think he'll ever…"

"Don't say that Emmy. I don't know if he loved anyone as much as he loved you, except maybe James," Remus responded.

Emmeline was crying now, her hands battling her face as new tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

"I'm a mess," she sniffled helplessly and Remus conjured a handkerchief.

"Thanks," Emmeline replied struggling to compose herself. "We were never suited, me and Sirius. A floaty Ravenclaw with the bad boy of Gryffindor. It's been eighteen years and I'm still crying like a heartbroken teenager."

"Em," Remus said moving closer across the table. "I know you won't believe me but he does still care about you. And his anger is probably misdirected, I'll talk to him."

Emmeline wiped the last of her tears on a cashmere shawl she had wrapped around her shoulders.

"Thanks Remus, I don't know what got into me. It's silly, I don't think, well, I don't think he ever knew how to love us."

"No," he responded, "I don't think he did."

Remus let Emmeline have a moment before getting up to leave.

"I should probably get going," he said, "give him another chance, please."

"Remus, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…the crying…do you want to stay for lunch?" Emmeline gushed hoping for Remus to stay.

"No, really Emmeline, I have to round up the other members. Don't be silly I'm always here for you. Thanks for the lunch offer, maybe next time."

Emmeline got up from the table and walked Remus to the door even though he could have Disapparated from the kitchen.

Emmeline laughed, "He broke a lot of hearts didn't he?"

Remus smiled and kissed her on the cheek, "See you Emmy."

"Emmeline!" Emmeline grumbled but Remus had already left.

_The mediwizard looked from my brother, to me and back to our mother._

_"There shouldn't be any scarring," he said in clipped tones and he walked around Regulas bed and over to mine. We were both lying face down and he dropped another potion on my back and I sighed; the cool liquid spreading over my skin like fresh gentle hands._

_"Good," mother replied her lips pursed. "If there is as much as one scar on my baby boys I will hold you personally responsible." She threatened the mediwizard her arm outstretched over my bed, my body flinching involuntarily below it. _

_The wizard looked down at my back and then into my mother's hard eyes, "There are some scars medipotions can never heal," he said. "Now if you will excuse me I have patients to tend to - the waiting area is down the hall."_

_Although I couldn't see it I knew mothers eyes had narrowed dangerously. She spun on heel and once she left, the room breathed a collective sigh._

_"Now Sirius," the man said as he bent down beside the bed. I turned my head, the skin on my neck crackling as I did so. The man rubbed some more potion on the side of my face, his hands gentle and patient._

_"How old are you and your brother?"_

_"I'm eight and Regulas is six," I answered truthfully._

_"And does your mother…." The mediwizard seemed to rethink the question. "Tell me Sirius, how did you and your brother get these burns."_

_I panicked for a moment, my eyes shooting over to my brother who had fallen asleep a relaxed smile on his face. He was not going to offer me any support._

_"We were in the shower and I accidentally turned the heat up too far," I replied hastily._

_"And you stayed in the shower?" the man asked raising an eyebrow. _

_"Yes," I said my eyes not wavering from his face._

_"Are you sure?" he pried, his blue eyes searching my own. I wondered if I should tell him but was saved from answering._

_"You have interrogated my son quite enough Doctor Prewett," my father's voice echoed in the room and the mediwizard jumped back from the bed._

_"Of course Mr Black," he responded, "I was just telling these boys that if I know the cause of this accident I can make sure it will never happen again."_

_My father stormed across the room yet when he reached the man he seemed to falter for just a moment._

_"Of course," my father said smoothly. "Boys will be boys. They have accidents, yet you can be certain that any accident of this nature will never happen again. And you would do well to keep out of other peoples business. A sticky end will meet your family if you continue to intrude in other peoples affairs."_

_I couldn't see the room properly but I could feel my father's tall proud presence._

_"I will do what I can Mr Black to ensure your family's health," the mediwizard replied his voice icy, "and I am sure that your family's health is your number one priority."_

_The mediwizard then left the room and my father moved over to our bedsides. He sighed deeply and when he spoke his voice was very deep._

_"Regulas, wake up," he commanded and Regulas' eyes snapped open. Father handed us a portkey each and next thing we were lying in the Manor. _

_"They fainted, they fainted,"_ Mrs Black's voice still echoed down the hall along with the resounding thump as Mr Black's hand met her cheek.

Sirius bolted awake, and stumbled upstairs to the study.

"Where's Remus?" Sirius demanded, it was well past midday and the Weasley's had begun their cleaning mission. Rubbing his eyes he was trying in vain to repress the horrid memories of this place. _Couldn't they hear her too?_

"He's gone to round up people to get Harry on Thursday night," Molly answered, her face smudged with what looked like charcoal.

"_Evanesco_," the twins shouted together as they tried to vanish an ugly liquid from the corner of the room.

"I'll go," Sirius whined.

"You know full well that you can't Sirius," snapped Mrs Weasley.

"So my job is to be the Order's cleaner," Sirius replied annoyed.

"And you can't even do that right. Get up and help Ron and Hermione with the cleaning," Molly retorted.

Sirius grumbled but helped the children much happier to talk to them than Mrs Weasley. When Remus arrived home that night everyone was glad for the distraction. Shortly after Arthur arrived home and the group settled down for dinner.

With all the Weasley's and Hermione it was difficult to get a word in edgewise. Sirius tried to let himself settle and apologised to Mrs Weasley for snapping at her earlier.

"That's okay dear," she replied, "it must be difficult."

"If only you knew," he muttered under his breath and he reached over to get another serving of potato.


	8. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Who did you visit today Remus?" asked Sirius after the pair had settled in the upstairs bedroom.

Sirius didn't have it in his heart to ask, yet Remus somehow knew he didn't want to stay in the room alone. The two beds stretched across what was once Sirius' bedroom. Sirius was already in bed before he started his questioning, he had been asking ever since they left dinner intent of finding out more about the outside world.

"Heista Jones, Diggle and Emmeline, among others," Remus replied.

Sirius stiffened at the last name, "Oh…so how's Diggle?"

"Same old Diggle," Remus replied tucking himself in. "He had me stay for lunch in Kent, the crazy man had all sorts of snacks, none of which I felt like tasting. It would be like accepting food from the Weasley Twins. And Emmeline…"

"I don't want to hear about it Remus," Sirius snapped and waved off the lights.

Remus frowned, "She's upset. She feels like you've been acting cold toward her."

"Ha," Sirius barked, "Not her, everyone."

"She still cares for you, you know," Remus said.

Sirius scoffed, "whatever." He rolled over angrily.

"Sirius…" Remus tried.

"She can just get bent!"

Remus gritted his teeth, what was it about this man that made the girls fall over him?

_I watched him very closely._

_I lusted after him too. Well, maybe not lusted, it wasn't like that. I'm not like… Never mind, let's just say I wanted to be him, I wanted to know him, I wanted to touch him._

_A laugh from his chair in the common room and the girls around him would smile and blush. Even slouched he commands power, the way his legs are spread, his head is held, and arms draped with more grace than I could ever achieve. I wonder if he notices it. _

_James does, James gets the attention too, James loves the attention, he walks around like he is permanently on show. I know he is jealous of Sirius too._

_When we all settled for the first feast at the Gryffindor table I could see James staring at Sirius in star struck awe._

_"First Black at the Gryffindor table," Sirius announced proudly, raising his glass and beaming at his new housemates. The older purebloods watched him anxiously, back then I didn't know what was going on but I could tell by the silence that struck the hall after the hat called 'Gryffindor' on my new classmate that something big had happened._

_"Won't father be glad to hear about that," Sirius barked loudly and the table burst into applause. It was his pride, his beliefs, his honour - he'd made a statement just by arriving at the table. With a family like his I would have been terrified. I guess that's the part that makes him Gryffindor._

_"Hey Moony," James called to me from over on the couches, "what you doing?"_

_"Nothing," I answered quickly, interrupted from my thoughts and quickly returning to reviewing the Transfiguration lesson I had missed._

_I tried to focus, the words blurring. The girls laughed again, I looked up - James and Sirius were striking poses of some various reenactment from their latest adventure. They play fought and the girls 'ohhed' and 'ahhed'. I watched Sirius, his self assured grin never left his face._

_"And it's the Wizarding World's two most eligible bachelors," Peter announced excitedly as the two threw playful hexes._

_"James, the sexy, Quidditch champion and sole heir to the Potter Fortune…."_

_James managed to get off a small bow in between shields and the room laughed again._

_"Versus Sirius, the tall, dark and handsome heir to the Noble and Ancient House of Black."_

_Sirius did a bit of classy wand-work and everyone cheered. As the boys danced round the room the groups started chanting._

_"Sirius!__ Sirius!" or "James! James!"_

_I tried to focus back on my page but the language looked foreign to me._

_"Honestly," a witch sighed as she threw her books down on my table, "how is anyone supposed to get any work done."_

_"Hi Lily," I replied loudly to be heard over the mock fight and dull-less chanting._

_"Hi Remus, boy I hope I am prefect next year so I can tell those two to stop acting like giant buffoons!"_

_"Goodluck!"__ I laughed._

_The room erupted with cheers and I turned to see Sirius jump up from behind an overturned chair._

_"And Sirius is the victor!" shouted Peter practically bursting with excitement. James got up a few seconds later and threw a cushion at him. The chubby boy fell back on his bottom and everybody laughed._

_"Ha!" a flushed Sirius plunked down next to us at the table. "Sorry Moony, you trying to work here?" he wheezed._

_"We can't even hear ourselves think, what with that ruckus going about," Lily lectured flicking her straight red hair behind her shoulder._

_"Sorry gorgeous," swooned James and he sat down next to her._

_"Boys!"__ Lily muttered rolling her eyes and she got up collecting her books._

_"Not you Remus," she clarified and then she shot James and Sirius a dirty look. She was about the only person I knew who wasn't wildly in love with James and Sirius, even the teachers worshipped them._

_"What? Leaving so soon?" James called after her._

_"How about giving the victor a sweet kiss?" Sirius shouted but Lily had already stomped up to the girls dormitories._

"She thought I was a murderer," Sirius clarified darkly.

"We all did."

"Thanks," he grumbled, "that makes me feel a whole lot better."

Remus wished he could see Sirius, it hurt to have this conversation in an empty void.

"I wish I could apologise Sirius but I can't. It would never be enough. There is nothing I can say. Sirius, please listen, you know how I feel, and Emmy was your _girlfriend_. At least more than any other girl was. We all thought you would, you know, settle down together."

"But that didn't happen did it!" Sirius snapped turning back over to face Remus. The window outlined his best friends shadow in half moon light.

"You should work it out with her Sirius," Remus said softly.

"Don't tell me what to do," Sirius growled.

Remus tried to maintain his temper, Sirius was so difficult sometimes.

"I'm tired. Goodnight."

_I was running late for Defense Against the Dark Arts, flushed and out of breath I burst into the classroom._

_"Sirius Black!"__ Professor Meadows exclaimed._

_"Sorry Professor," I said, and cast a meaningful look at James as I took the nearest seat. Meadows didn't seem to mind, she had only started this year, coming straight from the Auror Force on a special request from Dumbledore. She already had a soft spot for me so instead of a detention she merely smiled. She did, however, take the subject quite seriously and didn't wait while I groped for my books._

_"…it is not the nature of Dementors to be forgiving…"_

_"Sirius," James whispered and I turned. James looked concerned._

_"He's fine," I mouthed. Remus was in the hospital wing again. My stomach turned guiltily. Last night James and I hadn't been able to weasel out of a detention. We had cursed Lestrange to write "I love Professor McGonagall" at the end of every written sentence. It was really quite funny and the time but as Remus went down the passage to the Shrieking Shack alone I was racked with guilt. _

_"Injuries?"__ James asked quietly, leaning over a Ravenclaw classmate who scowled as she scribbled down Meadows lecture._

_"He should be out tonight," I told him. _

_"Shhhh! Honestly Sirius," Emmeline hissed, "It's NEWT year, focus on your studies!"_

_"Miss Vance!" Professor Meadows shouted, interrupting our conversation. "Please stop talking. Five points from Ravenclaw."_

_Emmeline__ looked furious and I smirked. It amused me when others got into trouble when I got off scott free._

_"Mr Black?" _

_I looked up, the Professor was obviously waiting for me to answer a question._

_I took a stab at it, "The Dementors Kiss?"_

_"Correct, five points to Gryffindor." _

_James laughed, Emmeline hissed through her teeth and I tried to look attentive._

_"The Dementors Kiss is the worst punishment currently available, and is what waits Voldemort's supporters."_

_The class gasped. James chair, which he was swinging from, thudded back on the ground. Emmeline spilt her inkwell and I looked up at the Professor with new admiration._

_"They are soulless creatures that can only be repelled by one thing, the Patronus charm, which is what we will be working on today, please get out your wands."_

_The rest of the class was spent trying to cast the Patronus, I found it quite difficult and while some others in the class managed a thin whisp of silver smoke I was unable to get anywhere._

_Quite disgruntled as I usually got the hang of things quickly I flicked my wand angrily until the bell rang. After class I gathered my notes and headed back to the Hospital Wing. James looked like he wanted to join me but Lily dragged him off on "Head Boy" business. I watched them bicker as they walked down the corridor. They were 'mad' about each other, I wondered when they would realise, for my sake I hoped it was soon._

_Jumping up the stairs I again felt guilty for leaving Remus alone last night. Without us his transformations were more violent and self abusive. His trips to the hospital wing since fifth year when we all became Animigus had greatly diminished. I wondered if Pomfrey had noticed, or if she had told anyone about it._

_"Hey Moony," I called as I entered the infirmary._

_"Hey Padfoot," Remus said, he still looked weak, his face scratched and body trembling. Madam Pomfrey was still bustling about his bedside rubbing some smelly cream in his wounds._

_"G'day Pomfrey, how's our favourite patient going?" I asked the mediwitch as I sidled up next to her._

_"Mr Black," she scolded without any heat, "this boy needs his rest."_

_"Surely I could visit for a couple of minutes. You're far too pretty to waste your afternoon with this mutt." I batted my thick black eyelashes._

_"Don't think that flattery will work with me," she replied but was already packing up her potions and creams._

_"Five minutes," Pomfrey called as she left the room after checking Remus over once more._

_"I brought you notes from Defense," I said once she left, pulling out my notes and sitting up on the bed._

_"The Patronus charm?" Remus asked as he scanned his eyes over the scribbled mess. I looked over the pages and noticed a doodle I had done of Emmeline Vance._

_Embarrassed I blurted, "Professor Meadows used You-Know-Who's real name!"_

_"How groovy, Dumbledore's the only one I know who does that," Remus answered not bothering to conceal a smirk as he looked over the drawings on my page. Remus looked up, "I still can't believe Dumbledore has an Auror teaching us! I wish I hadn't missed the class, the Patronus charm is way above NEWT level."_

_"Yeah, I guess Dumbledore wants us to be prepared. Seeing as the Dark Lord's gaining more power." _

_The mood became suddenly somber. People we knew, families we loved, they had already been targeted. I remember watching the first years at the beginning of this year, they looked decidedly more world weary. The war had been escalating every year we spent tucked away in these safe grounds. And now, it looked like we might even be losing - I might not be serious very often but suddenly, I worried about our future, about Remus particularly._

_I asked him, "Do you know what you are doing when you leave school?"_

_"Not sure yet," Remus answered, leaning back in his bed and watching me carefully. "What about you?"_

_I'd thought about it. I wanted to be an Auror. I wanted to make a difference. And truthfully, I did wanted a little revenge, against my family, against Dark Wizards, against everything that repressed me._

_"I'd love to be an Auror," I whispered. "I know that's what James wants to do, his fathers influence and his high marks will get him in for sure. There's no way that would accept me."_

_"They might," Remus countered, "You're great at Defense."_

_"Hardly," I responded thinking of my failed Patronus. "Anyway, I don't even take potions. You'll get in though Moony, your one of the top students."_

_Remus looked uncomfortable, "They don't accept my kind."_

_I was shocked. I guess after knowing Remus for so long it seems insane that people would think him a dark creature. _

_I felt embarrassed for not even remembering and cursed myself for being so thoughtless. Remus seemed to sense this._

_"Don't be silly," he laughed nudging me. "I love that it doesn't matter to you."_

_I looked at him, I mean really looked at him. His sandy brown hair already with streaks of grey, his face was weary yet his soft brown eyes - they could see right through you._

_"How did you?"_

_"Know what you were thinking? You're a Gryffindor Padfoot, it's written all over your face." Sometimes I thought he could read minds._

_"Well, I am glad that the Ministry won't accept me either because I don't want to work for people with prejudice like that," I exclaimed smiling at him._

_Remus laughed and hit me playfully on the shoulder. I smiled back at him. It funny that I should be jealous of him, his bravery, unassuming gentleness, the way he always had the right answer, his thoughtfulness, the way he managed to make everybody his friend. I can't believe how I wronged him. I don't think he'll ever forgive me for that._

_Remus smiled wearily from his bed._

_"So, are you going to teach me this charm or what?"_


	9. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

The next days flew quickly and soon enough Harry was scheduled to arrive at Grimmuald Place.

Remus left as soon as it got dark. Sirius looked impatiently out the window wishing he could have gone too.

"Hey," a voice called, "anyone home?"

Getting up from his self inflicted misery Sirius padded to the hallway, with each step he cheered - after all Harry would arrive tonight!

"Sirius," the eldest Weasley son greeted him with a cocky grin, "Geez, you're looking old!"

Sirius laughed, he looked at the boy, for Sirius still saw this man as a first year. A boy who once followed he and James around with star struck awe.

"Bill," Sirius smiled ignoring the younger mans jest, "is it time for the meeting already?"

Before he could answer Ginny and the twins tumbled down the stairs excitedly. Bill had no chance to talk with Sirius as he was surrounded by bouncy redheads.

The noise, of course, caused Mrs Black to begin her shouting.

"Foul loathsome creatures! Begone from the Noble and Ancient House of Black!"

"BILL," Ginny shouted, over the screaming. Bill was standing half in a hug with Ginny and half blocking his ears from Sirius' mother incessant screeching while the twins were pulling at the portraits curtains.

"What is going on here?" asked the prim voice of Minerva McGonugall as she walked through the front door and into the mass of people congregated at the front door. She had her wand in hand and looked quite put out at the house's decidedly evil appearance.

"Nothing Professor," everyone answered including Sirius and Bill, although they had both long since graduated her classes.

"Freaks! Get out! Get out! You dare muddy up this noble home."

"Shut it bitch," Fred answered, he and George were still wrestling with the portrait and unaware of his teacher's presence. They finally pulled the curtain in place and spun around.

"Spiffing to see you Professor," called George nudging Fred who turned bright red, looking guilty for his rude exclaimation.

"It's true enough I suppose, after all Sirius is a sneaky little dog," McGonagall smiled and turned to look at Sirius with something akin to pride on her old face. She hadn't seen Sirius since his sentence to Azkaban but had heard all about him. The meeting tonight was important enough for all Order members to attend.

Fred and George stood gaping at their teacher as she led Bill and Sirius into the Dining Room asking them both how they were, and telling them how grown up they looked. Both men were flushing.

"You kids get upstairs now," Molly Weasley commanded as she pushed them up the stairs, "Harry will be here tonight so I want you on your best behaviour."

The children nodded and ran up the stairs as Molly moved on to answer the door. Order members were filling the dining room and Sirius sat back grinning in excitement, on thing would surely bring him back from the edge of his increasing depression - Harry.

_When I heard Harry was on the Quidditch team I was filled with a giddy pride. In Azkaban any snatch of conversation about the boy would keep me sane for months. Rumours that the boy had started Hogwarts filtered through the dark prison. More rumours that the boy was like his father, that he was a fantastic flyer, that he had Lily's eyes and James's hair. I had to get a glimpse. I had to see him for myself._

_But it was months since I frightened Harry at the bus stop for that moments glace, and now, sitting up here in the highest stand I waited for him. _

_It was a horrible day, the clouds were surrounding the pitch and even protected by my thick black fur I shivered. The weather wouldn't cancel Quidditch and I watched as students flocked down to the field, wrapped in brightly coloured raincoats like candy falling from the castle. _

_My ears pricked as I heard students approach the booth. Suddenly a small round face appeared and looked into my stand. Children wrapped in Hufflepuff scarves._

_"Hey doogie," one boy said as another climbed up next to him._

_I flattened my ears nervously should I let them stay here, would they compromise my safety?_

_I growled._

_"Er Justin," another boy stammered, "I don't think he is friendly, let's go sit further down."_

_As the boys trotted off to the lower stands I remembered my school Quidditch Games. I wasn't on the team until Sixth Year, even then I was never exceptionally good at the game. Quidditch was best left to James, and with his talent, in the group none of us felt inclined to take up the game. I could remember Remus as a good flyer but he never tried out for the house team._

_I scanned the audience for my old friend. It was too close to the full moon for him to be present but I checked none-the-less. My safety would be compromised if Remus was here. I could see Dumbledore, sitting in the stands next to that sneak Snivellus._

_Had Remus told Dumbledore?_

_Had Remus betrayed me?_

_I slunk closer to the cold seat just in case. Somehow I knew that Remus would not betray me, not like that rat. Of course Pettigrew was the traitor, I growled, just thinking of that rat made my blood curl._

_The game had started, I quickly scanned the skies. There he was; a blur of crimson, gold and dark brown hair. I gave him a doggie smile as he whipped over the stands. The boy flew with the precision of his father, I watched closely as he leant closer to the broom, pushing it to the max in his quest to find the snitch. He looked so beautiful, so happy, so peaceful. And oddly, not as much like James as I'd first assumed._

_James was a brilliant player. There was no doubt he could have been accepted to play for England. But Harry – it wasn't just skill, the joy radiated from him, his flight desperate, like it was the only happy thing in his world. Like up here, he could receive a peace unattainable on the ground._

_I shuddered at the thought of how true that might be. Whether it was my traitorous thoughts or something else I couldn't tell. Suddenly everything was cold._

_"Sirius," Peter growled, his eyes wide, his body dishallowed._

_"Peter," I cried, my eyes stinging and voice wavering. In a desperate shock._

_We had wands drawn. Muggles started to close in on us. The walls of the alleyway felt as if they were leaning in on me and I felt like collapsing to the ground in unadulterated grief._

_"What have you done?" I whispered._

_With a cruel twist he stole my words as I uttered them, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"_

_His voice echoed down the alley._

_I was frozen in shock and confusion._

_"HOW COULD YOU SIRIUS? HOW COULD YOU BETRAY LILY AND JAMES," the foul creature yelled, and I instantly grew furious at the mention of my dead friends names. It was then I knew, Peter was the secret keeper – I had to do something. But Peter was too quick, there was an explosion, smoke, screams and suddenly nothing._

_I heard a boy's long hollow scream and the Quidditch stand collectively gasp._

_It was later, I'm not sure how much later, but I was a man. The Dementors had shocked me. I pushed up from the ground of the stand, it was lucky that I had collapsed between the seats and not fallen down the stairs._

_Shifting into dog form I slunk down from the top stand, my paws still shaky from the close call. I couldn't tell how much the Dementors might have sensed and had to hide quickly. As I bolted through the students and into the Forbidden Forest I caught snatches of their conversation._

_"Harry Potter fell from midair, I thought he was going to die….."_

_"Dumbledore did some spell, it caught him…"_

_"But did you see Harry's broom? Smack! Right into the Whomping Willow….."_

Sirius had difficulty concentrating on Snape as he delivered his report to Dumbledore in earshot of the last remaining Black.

Voldemort finally had an agenda. Unfortunately it involved receiving a prophecy from the Ministry of Magic and killing Sirius' only Godson.

Sirius didn't think anything could dampen his excitement to see Harry but as Snape lead an obnoxious diatribe of him risking his life for the Order for this information with sidelong glances at Sirius he could do nothing but fume.

_If he raises that greasy eyebrow once more in my direction_, thought Sirius angrily, _I'll remove it_. He sat stewing in his anger.

Dumbledore managed to defuse the situation before it became dangerous. Telling Severus it was pointless for them to discuss it any further as they would only have to repeat it when the advance guard arrived so Sirius stuck to looking surly as the dark Professor moved over to talk to McGoungall.

He was about to ask her how she was when there was a loud sound from the Entrance Way.

"It's Harry," Sirius beamed momentarily out of his stoper but Molly Weasley had already ducked out of the room and the advance guard were joining the meeting.

"Very well then, we can get started," Dumbledore instructed.

Sirius made move to get up but Snape made some snarky comment, Remus had entered to quickly diffuse the situation. Such that, Sirius managed to stay until the end of the meeting.

In Remus's opinion it couldn't end fast enough. Sick of the mood swings Remus tried to ignore Sirius death stares at Snape and his giant show of being disinterested when Emmeline walked through the door.

_Thank God Harry is here_, Remus thought to himself.

As soon as the meeting was over Snape flew out of the room like a giant bat and Remus helped clear the table so they could have dinner with Harry. He was trying to nudge Mundungus awake when the screaming started.

"Ahhhhhh!"

Remus shot out of the kitchen and into the hallway, Sirius in tow.

Sirius' ghastly mother looked at him, "Yooouu! Blood Traitor, abomination, shame of my flesh!"

_"Filthy muggleloving scum!__ And, you have broken your fathers wand…" Mum wobbled as she towered over me._

_"I didn't," I argued, "That was Bella."_

_Slap!_

_"Don't you take that tone with me you nasty little traitor, I wish you were never born, and when I'm finished with you, you'll wish it too."_

"I see you've met my mother," Sirius growled, after managing to force the curtains closed.

After managing to get everyone at the dinner table and putting up with Tonks and Mundugus antics Remus was feeling quite relaxed. He cast a glance over at the Weasley Twins who weren't holding their butterbeer very well.

Sirius was watching Harry carefully with a small grin that Remus couldn't place.

"Nearly time for bed, I think," Molly said with a yawn, Remus knew he was feeling that way.

"Not just yet Molly," Sirius said, pushing away his plate and looking at Harry curiously. Sirius wondered how Harry could be so passive, so gentle, look so much like his father but act nothing like him. The boy had hardly said a word all dinner.

"You know, I'm surprised at you. I thought the first thing you'd do when you got here would be to start asking questions about Voldemort."

The room changed quickly, Molly swelled up like a balloon, Arthur took an unconscious step backward, the children's eyes rounded and Remus had an extended blink while he exhaled deeply.

Molly and Sirius were more alike then they might think, Remus thought sadly as the fight begun. While Molly and Sirius were screeching at each other Remus watched Harry who had a frightful look on face. Couldn't they see that they were tearing him apart?

Remus loved Harry, really loved Harry. The boy just had a heart that would melt you. Not for the first time Remus wished that James and Lily were still here.

After trying calmly to reason with them Remus snapped, "Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry. Sirius! Sit down!"

"I think Harry ought to have a say in this," he continued, "he's old enough to decide for himself."

Molly looked murderous as she led Ginny out of the room, losing the fight with the others to stay. Sirius was running off the mouth quickly about the Order while Molly was upstairs. They didn't tell Harry too much before Molly was back leading the other children to bed.

Remus was stuck in the middle, on the one hand Harry had a right to know, and yet Remus couldn't get that scared lost little boy face out of his head from ten minutes ago.

When Molly returned the room felt like the heat had been on full blast. Tonks and Mundungus quickly made their excuses. Sirius sat their smugly shooting Molly vicious glances. Remus half wanted to smack them off his face but Molly was equally vicious.

She hissed, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Sirius leaned across the table, "Harry's my godson I can do as I please."

"Not when you drag my children into it you can't. Their children Sirius," Molly pleaded her voice straining now, out of fear or anger Remus couldn't tell.

"We got up to all sorts of mischief at their age," Sirius replied loftily.

"Don't be so thick Sirius, this isn't some game. Harry's terrified. He's not been running around the Forbidden Forrest, he's been facing You-Know-You and you needn't treat it like some kind of sport. I'm trying to protect him!"

"By not letting him know anything," Sirius hissed accusingly. "That would only make me and James more curious."

"He's not James! And, he is certainly not you!"

"I know he's not! But he is like him in that respect!"

"Agh! Sirius you're not even making sense!"

"Say it Molly, you think Azkaban has made me crazy! I bet you all do, and talk about it all the time."

"What? We've said nothing of the sort."

"You might have well as," Sirius snarled banging his fists on the table.

"QUIET," Remus demanded. "Sirius, nobody is accusing you of being crazy and Molly you're not helping."

Molly gaped, not used to being scolded, but the two stopped fighting.

"Harry is very confused, he has had a tough time and the last thing he needs is for you two to start acting like children. If you spared one minute you would have seen how much you scared him."

Sirius and Molly looked suitably abashed.

"Don't even say it Sirius," Remus interrupted before Sirius got a word out, "if you two can't act like civil adults I will take it to Dumbledore."

Arthur nodded at Remus from across the room and cast a meaningful glance at his wife.

"I apologise," Molly gritted with due force.

"I also," Sirius replied.

"Well, I think it's time everyone got to bed," Arthur exclaimed, "that's been to much excitement for one day."


	10. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

_The Potter house was beautiful. It was white brick and had a pleasant situation atop a pretty green hill. Although the Potters were extremely wealthy the house was quite small and the surrounding hills spoke more of their wealth than the actual house did._

_I started up the walkway having portkeyed into Godrics Hollow. James' father was in the garden. He had a rough face, not sharp but manly with the trademark Potter hair._

_"Morning Remus," he greeted me wiping a muddy hand across his sweaty face as he straightened up with a struggling plant clutched between his broad hands._

_"Good morning Mr. Potter," I replied._

_"You needn't be so formal Remus, call me Charlie. You'll find James and Sirius up in the house," he gestured with a flick of the head._

_Sirius?_

_"Thanks, Mr., err, Charlie," I replied flushing. Calling parents by their first names made me really nervous. I had reached that age between adulthood and childhood when people start treating you like a grown up. Even though I had felt grownup for some time the unexpected pressures of responsibility frightened me. It reminded me that everything was changing. This summer my parents were talking to me about the real threat of the Voldemort, I wished I was back in first year again._

_I wondered why Sirius' was here as ran up the path and wandered into the house. I gritted my teeth. I didn't know if I could handle being around that git just yet. I was still hurting so deeply from his betrayal at the end of the school year and we had barely exchanged words before the holidays had begun._

_"Hello?" I called._

_"Remus!"__ James exclaimed with a huge grin from the top of the stairs. He trotted down happily. "Glad you're here."_

_"Your father said that Sirius was here too," I snipped, far courser than I had intended._

_James face darkened in a way that suggested he too had grown up a little recently._

_"Yeah, he's upstairs sleeping."_

_It was midday but I didn't press it._

_"So, is Peter coming around?" _

_"No, his mother wouldn't let him travel by himself. I think he wanted to stay at home anyway. His mum gets lonely while he's at Hogwarts. Say, lets go outside and have a fly around."_

_The Potters always had excellent brooms and it was quite fun racing across their large property. James, who knew the area better than anyone flew close to trees making spectacular turns and dives over the hilly ridges. I followed, not too far behind, enjoying every minute of the summer sun. It was great; it was the most fun I had had in ages - just James and me. We had a few laughs, James had really grown up, and without Sirius hanging around was much more bearable. _

_When we landed and headed back to the house the smile James had slowly slipped._

_"It's probably best you don't ask Sirius about his summer," James said awkwardly as we stored the brooms back in the broom shed._

_"Why?" I enquired as I followed him back to the house and wiped my feet; slightly annoyed that the conversation had turned and mood darkened._

_James stopped, "he just hasn't had a good time, and well, he is staying with us till Hogwarts starts up again."_

_"Oh," I replied. He was probably fighting with his family. He seemed to do a lot of that lately. It must be hard being the sole heir to a wizarding fortune – poor Sirius, I thought sarcastically._

Remus left before Sirius and Molly got up that day. He needed to get out and only spared a moment's thought for Sirius who would be trapped up until the Ministry gave him pardon.

It was Remus's duty today to take over watch from Moody. They were responsible for following Nott. Remus had a particular grudge against this man. Aside from watching the man earlier this year, he remembered the foul beastly body stepping out of a staff closet two years ago. Remus knew more than others the black magic that surrounded this man as he watched a tiny stringy Slytherin third year shiver in the face of his worst fear – his father. Thankfully Theodore hadn't been hanging with his father in these last weeks.

Remus used a tracking spell to find Moody in the rougher end of Knockturn Alley. Nott hung around the dirtiest places, he fit in as he was foul looking grunted when he walked.

"Password?" the empty street croaked.

"Moony?" Remus asked.

There was a low growl.

"Quiet boy, now identify yourself and step behind these dust bins. Remus ducked behind big bins where the voice was coming from.

"It's me, from Phoenix," Remus answered.

Moody's head appeared as the ex-Auror pulled an invisibility cloak from him. He looked rather cranky but at his age he shouldn't have been awake all those hours.

"Here," grunted Moody handing Remus the cloak, "use this. The lousy Death Eater is having lunch with Goyle in the Diablo."

The Diablo was a small pub down the end of Knockturn Alley and a mere three paces from where Remus and Moody hid. Remus took the cloak from Moody and wrapped it around his body. He was well used to invisibility cloaks from his time at Hogwarts; he tucked it in so it was secure. Moody, apparently satisfied, nodded grimly and Dissapparated from the spot.

Unfortunately Remus did not have the advantage of a magical eye so he wandered over to the entrance to the bar. Luckily, at this time of the morning the place was pretty deserted.

Remus slid quietly through the bar cautious not to knock anything over until he reached Nott and Goyle.

Nott, although sitting down, was breathing heavily as if out of air.

"Filthy turncoat," Nott wheezed, his dark eyes narrowing with dislike.

"Lucius says Severus is loyal," Goyle grunted forcefully. This was fortunate because Remus had gasped when hearing Severus' name.

"Of course he does," Nott growled, "My son says he is still proud of the old ways, but where was he when the master called?"

"Severus has his reasons Nott, he is with us."

"Hmmp. You Goyles are perhaps too stupid to understand."

Goyle actually growled. Remus slowly leant back hoping to be able to rest against the back wall if this confrontation came to blows.

Surprisingly Goyle had a swift retort, "the Dark Lord trusts him, is he stupid?"

"Of course not," the broad man barked, breathing heavily out his nose. Remus wondered what Nott was playing at, surely this news would return to Lucius, even Voldemort. Why was Nott so concerned with Snape?

_Snape did not even attempt to conceal his dislike. I am sure that Dumbledore had asked him to be friendly- we were to be working together after all. I had not long gotten off the train before he let his feelings be known._

_My trunk was extremely heavy and I felt drained after meeting with the dementors._

_"You can leave that here," Professor McGonagall instructed as she walked up to me, no doubt on her way to meet the first years as they arrived for the first time at Hogwarts. It seems like only yesterday I was making that trip._

_"Remus, It's so good to see you."_

_"It's good to see you too Professor."_

_"Please, I told you to call me Minerva," she chuckled, as I turned away from the piles of luggage, probably looking as lost and terrified as I felt. "How was the train ride?"_

_I sighed, "The Dementors boarded the train, and I think all the students are quite shook up. Harry Potter took it particularly badly, fainted, poor boy."_

_I couldn't get Harry's face out of my mind. Spitting image of James at his age but with a character more like his mothers, so strong but also so gentle, nursing the chocolate as if it would bite him._

_McGonagall looked distressed, "these things always do seem to happen to our Harry. I had better see to him before I greet the first years. I assume you still know your way to the Great Hall."_

_"Of course," I replied but I wanted to go with her. I wanted to be the one who made sure Harry was alright. She spoke as if she cared for him, and it made me surprisingly jealous of all I had missed._

_I turned down the secret passage hopefully to beat the students to the Great Hall._

_"Still sneaking about the castle," Snape hissed as I stepped into the chamber that led to the head table of the Great Hall._

Still not washing your hair_, I wanted to reply but instead opted for, "Severus, hi. I can't thank you enough for agreeing to brew the Wolfsbane potion for me during the school year.…"_

_"Shut up! You may have gotten Dumbledore to believe your filthy lies but I'll be watching your every move. And if I hear that you and your old friend are still wolfing around then I'll kill you so fast you won't know where the curse came from."_

The house was boring and painful. Sirius had slept in and was now tracing the patterns of wall rot from his bed. As he got up he realised that Remus had left that morning without saying goodbye. It annoyed Sirius but they had spent so much time in close confindes recently that they probably needed the time apart. Sirius rushed to get dressed, he was planning to spend some more time with Harry.

Sirius went down to the kitchen without encountering Molly or any Weasley children. After their argument last night she probably had the children upstairs somewhere avoiding Sirius, for which he was grateful they were a bit too much at times and he wanted Harry for himself today.

When he got down to the kitchen he remembered the boy was going to his underage magic hearing with Arthur this morning. Lonely again and a little disappointed he prepared himself breakfast. He amused himself by thinking how much alike James and Harry were. Harry was getting into all sorts of scrapes, received underage magic warnings and was a wicked flyer- just like James.

Sirius took great bites of his toast happily. What would it be like if Harry was expelled? They could live in exile together, Harry had been so excited by the prospect of living with him Sirius knew they could really make it work. They could track down Death Eaters and spend all their time together.

Sirius thought he could teach Harry to become an animagus and how to duel. He wondered if Harry would become a stag, he had heard from Remus that his Patronus was one. Wouldn't that be great, the stag and the dog would run once again!

These thoughts entertained him throughout breakfast and he was already planning the sorts of games they could play when Harry returned from the Ministry earlier than expected.

"The trial time was moved forward," Arthur informed Sirius as the kitchen suddenly filled with Weasleys, who had remained hidden in the large house.

"He got off!" Ron cried and Hermione threw herself at Harry. Harry was surrounded by so many children that Sirius felt he had to hang to the back waiting.

They were all cheering but Sirius found it difficult to join in. Of course he didn't want Harry to be in trouble with the ministry. Didn't he? Of course he did and Harry looks so relieved, Sirius realised scolding himself for being so miserable.

Then he heard a dark voice in the back of his mind cruelly whisper, _Harry looks so glad to be going back to Hogwarts, so glad to not have to stay in this house with his crazy Godfather. _

_"You're crazy," James said to me as we continued climbing up to the top of the ridge._

_"It'll work," I assured him, it was tricky pulling the bike up the twisty thin lane._

_"So what are you going to do? Just push it off the edge?" he asked._

_"No, I'll ride back down," I assured him. The plan was that I would ride quickly down the ridge and then fly off the end of the cliff on the motorcycle. She flied really well, but I wanted to try her out already in the air instead of taking off like a plane. I could have dropped straight off the edge of the cliff but I wanted a bit of a run up._

_"And what if she drops?" he asked eagerly, one brown eyebrow waggling. _

_I smiled. It was so good to be out doing something fun. Since we had left school the two of us had hardly spent anytime together. _

_"Then you'll be standing at the top of this ridge to catch me ol buddy."_

_I nudged James. It was hard to believe this git was getting married next week. We shook hands for good luck as I pulled my motorcycle around to face the downhill slope of the ridge. _

_"Don't worry mate," James smiled, hitting me on the back as I straddled the bike, "I got you covered."_

_I grinned wildly up at him. At that moment I believed that nothing could change our friendship._

Remus and Sirius didn't say anything to each other as they got into their separate beds that night. Sirius was still concerned about his mixed feelings about Harry and Remus was still thinking about Snape and Nott. Remus had gotten back late anyway and missed the dinner and the celebrations of Harry's freedom.

They had not and long gone to sleep when there was a creak at the door.

Nymphadora Tonks had managed to manuver her way down the hallway without tipping over a single thing. Remus, however, was a light sleeper and climbed out of bed moving to the top of the stairs.

"Who's there," he called down.

"It's me Remus," Tonks replied, "sorry if I've woken you. Needed to talk to Dumbledore, we have a situation."

Soon, the adults of the house were downstairs, Molly and Arthur in dressing gowns and Sirius looking ruffled and mood unchanged had collapsed in the chair between Tonks and Remus. Tonks had sent a message to Dumbledore while Remus had woken the Weasley parents, they weren't going to call a full meeting until they had talked to Dumbledore.

When Dumbledore appeared Tonks let them in on the situation.

"Just heard from a friend at the Ministry, tonight Sturgis Podmore was caught trying to break into the Department of Mysteries."

"Trying to get at the prophecy?" Arthur asked, "Why would he jeopardise us like that then?"

"I don't think so," Tonks said, "he wasn't making much sense when they dragged him in, it looks like he's been tortured."

Molly gasped.

"Imperious then," Dumbledore sighed.

"What can we do," Sirius asked even though it was common knowledge that he could in fact do nothing.

"Nothing I'm afraid," Dumbledore said sadly. "I'm sure the Imperious has worn off now and there is nothing we can do without giving ourselves away and drawing more attention to the fact he was there."

"They'll put him in Azkaban," Tonks said, and Sirius shuddered, she had rushed from the Ministry hoping that Dumbledore would have a solution.

"I'm open to suggestions," the old man sighed, "but at the moment he might be safer there. I think it is more important we find out why he was targeted, did someone find out that he was in the Order or it is just lucky coincidence that he was chosen for imperio?"

The group looked thoughtful. It was late and with nothing they could do to help Sturgis they trotted back up to bed.

"It's getting serious," Remus said to Sirius when they had reached their room.

"Yeah, Voldemort is acting fast," Sirius agreed, his anger abated by these new developments. It was difficult to remain at odds in this situation. "You think it is safe for Harry at Hogwarts?"

"There is no where safer."

"What about here?"

Remus sighed deeply. "I'm not sure that would work Sirius. What about his lessons and education?"

Sirius sat up in his bed and peered over to his friend, "I can teach him."

"And his friends? Harry needs his friends. I know your upset about having to stay here but I'll be around and it will kill Harry if you suggest it, he will feel like his has to choose between you and his friends."

"I haven't said anything," Sirius jumped on the defensive, "it's just that I miss him already and he hasn't even left yet."

"I shouldn't have left you alone all day, sorry."

"It's not that, I'm not a child. It's Harry, we need each other, we have such fun together it's almost like being with James again."

Sirius' eyes had clouded and he slumped down on his bed.

"You're not getting a best friend back," Remus said also crawling beneath his sheets.

"I know okay, but he is all I have got."

"What am I chopped liver?" Remus tried to joke.

"You know what I mean," Sirius said. Remus turned away. No, he didn't know what Sirius meant.


	11. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Sirius took Harry to the station against the advice of every member of the order. The last weeks had been alright but knowing what was coming Sirius found it difficult to remain upbeat. Remus and Sirius appeared to be back to normal and they had both been surprisingly busy.

At the station Sirius had caused a bit of a scene and he knew it. When the group returned to headquarters Sirius made himself scarce, to avoid anyone telling him off. Remus wasn't planning on scolding him anyway, and left Sirius alone for the rest of the day.

It was long past lunch time when Remus padded up the stairs to Buckbeak's room. They'd gotten back ages ago and Remus suspected Sirius would be there. He was. Sirius was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room nursing a bottle of alcohol, his eyes glazed and out of focus as if in deep thought, the large beast asleep happily on Sirius' mothers' bed.

"What are you doing with that?" Remus asked walking over and clutching the untouched bottle from Sirius' hands. Buckbeak stirred and drew himself up to full height on the bed so that his head brushed the ceiling.

Snapping out of his trance Sirius jumped up. He looked between his friend and the Hippogriph guiltily.

"Nothing, I was just holding it."

_"What is it?" Peter asked eagerly, giddy with excitement._

_"Firewhisky, of course," Sirius replies placing the bottle in the middle of the four of us. I look nervously to our door way. We are up in our dorm, just the four first year boys. We were getting along much better than when we had first arrived. James Potter was alright and he and Sirius Black had become quick friends. They accepted me quickly enough much to my surprise. It took a little longer for Peter but he really became part of the group after we all stood up for him against the Slytherins. Now the four of us did everything together._

_It was the last night at Hogwarts before the holidays, next term we would be in second year. Sirius talked about alcohol a lot, although I'd never seen him drink any. Most of us did a little talking anyway, everyone seemed too, boasting to impress the rest of the group, our classmates or the girls. Peter did it all the time, so much so that I questioned almost everything he said. I thought Sirius was all talk but now he had produced the bottle. We couldn't back out. _

_"What does it taste like?" I asked nervously, I had tasted some champagne at Christmas one time. It had bubbled up my nose and given me the worst headache a few hours later. I was curious enough though and wanted to try this._

_"I don't know about this," James said uncharacteristically, "Firewhisky? In the dorms? What will McGongall say?"_

_"She won't know," Sirius chuckled, as he tried to conjure a cup. _

_Peter was holding the bottle now, gingerly taking off the lid and smelling the top, his face curling in displeasure._

_"Remus, can you transfigure cups yet?"_

_"Nope," I replied not shifting my eyes from Peter. He looked like a mouse when he twisted his face like that._

_"Well, we'll have to swig."_

_"Who's first," asked Peter, holding out the whisky to the group._

_Sirius took the bottle and took a mighty swallow before passing it to me. I coughed loudly as the whisky burnt down my throat._

_"It's good," I croaked, even though it was possibly the worst thing I had ever tasted._

_Peter had a similar reaction to me before passing it to James._

_"Will I get drunk?" he asked._

_"Not off one sip," Sirius replied and Peter giggled. "Unless, you're Peter," Sirius and I said in unison and we all cracked up laughing. James looked at us doubtingly as we clutched our sides. I was starting to hurt I was laughing so hard._

_"Come on James," I coaxed, and he looked at us for a moment longer before taking a sip. We all cheered and laughed hysterically at ourselves again._

_I felt so lightheaded and when Sirius passed the bottle along again the whisky tasted a lot better than it had done the first time. It only took two sips and we were all joking and no longer worried about the amount of noise we were making. Sirius put the bottle away saying that he would need it for the summer and we all complained. We didn't need anymore, we were quite tipsy as Peter proved when he stood to follow Sirius in an attempt to rescue the whisky. He toppled over onto the floor and we all cracked up. We spent half the night talking, joking and laughing before falling asleep right there on the floor._

_The next day I was surprised that nobody had told us off, they must be used to students being loud on the last night. Relieved that we had gotten away with it and feeling so close to my new friends I packed my truck happily. It had been the best night of my life and the best year too. I love Hogwarts!_

Remus slipped in the back entrance of Hogwarts and casting a notice me not spell crept down to the dungeons. It was not wise for him to be here, any of the students could recognise him, but he had to warn Snape. He had just come off another shift monitoring Nott whose opinion on Snape had not changed. The man was now stupid enough to be plotting a murder attempt on the potions professor.

Remus tried the door to Snape's office. It was shut tight and warded but luckily the corridor was empty so he could hide and wait for Snape. He didn't have to wait long, the man burst out of the classroom yelling instructions back at some unlucky student.

"…and make sure you clean the ceiling too Gibson, that's forty points from Hufflepuff."

Remus could hear the students scramble about in the classroom as Snape stormed into his office and gulped down a potion in one swallow. Remus slid into the office out of the view of the open classroom door. The dark man was leaning on his desk, his shoulders slumped in exhaustion. He straightened as he picked up another potion and slipped it in his pocket. He examined his hands carefully, flexing his fingers as if in pain.

He then stiffened, presumably because he knew he was being watched. Remus saw the man go for his wand and whispered, "Severus, it's me. Remus. I have some news for you."

The man pushed his wand back in his robes and looked up, his dark eyes seeing through the simple spell. "Wait here," he commanded as he marched back to the classroom closing his office door with a slam.

Snape's voice carried through the stone walls, "Come to the front if you were stupid enough to remain near the potion and need some of the antidote. You haven't finished with that wall Gibson I can see the stains from here…"

Meanwhile Sirius was sitting stonily in the kitchen with Emmeline Vance at the other end. Yesterday Harry had left and he had been feeling a little depressed. Luckily Remus was there to make him laugh. Sirius had been feeling so much lately. His emotions were like a roller coaster and it was starting to make him feel quite queasy.

Remus was on duty today and Molly had made herself scarce when Emmeline arrived. Sirius thought Molly and Arthur would probably move out now that the children were off to school. He felt oddly sad about that.

"I'm sorry Sirius, please, there is nothing more I can say," Emmeline said as she tucked her hair back, arms flung openly on the table. Sirius didn't reply still concerning himself with the Weasleys living arrangements.

"Please," she begged once more, but Sirius simply turned his head to avoid looking at her.

Defeated she whispered, "Perhaps I shouldn't have come. I couldn't let it go though. I am sorry Sirius, you will just have to believe me."

She pushed the chair back and started to walk out of the room.

"What do you want me to say," Sirius croaked. After Harry had left he knew that it would only be harder to go about the day trapped in this oppressive house. But working with the Order, working with Emmeline, having to deal with her pushing him; he couldn't think.

Emmeline looked desperately back at Sirius. He had spoken but not moved his eyes from the table. It killed her to see him like this, to not even be able to look at her. It seemed Sirius had forgiven Remus in an instant, the moment they had hugged in the shack. Perhaps it was because Sirius had suspected Remus at one stage, perhaps because he and Remus had always been a little distant out of the group of friends. But Emmeline, she had _known_ Sirius, she had said she'd loved him.

Emmeline shrugged, her eyes wet with tears. "I don't know. You could say that you'll forgive me, maybe not yet but one day. You could say that you want to start things over."

Sirius laughed a little madly, "You think I can ever forgive you for what you've done? Do you know the memory of you I had to live over and over again for the past twelve years. You left me for the dementors!"

"I made a mistake, we all made mistakes," Emmeline was crying now. Her tears silently flowing down her face making her look younger than she was. Sirius crossed the room in two angry strides grabbing her arm and spinning her towards him.

"Do you know what you did to me?" he hissed in her face. "You broke me. I had to sit in that hell and know that I was there because my girlfriend thought I was a murderer. She thought I was a Death Eater. She thought I would give the lives of my best friends to Voldemort. You obviously didn't know me at all, so don't come back here now saying that you care for me, saying that you loved me… You're making me sick."

Emmeline gasped, crying louder and ran from the room. Molly watched her leave and peered into the kitchen. Sirius was still frozen in the room, his face part proud and part terrified.

_"Taste it," she whispered giggling. I couldn't move my eyes from her. She was so beautiful it hurt to breathe._

_Lifting her outstretched hand I licked the chocolate from her palm. She stopped giggling and held her breath._

_"You taste beautiful," I said, biting her hand this time and pulling her towards me. She looked at me with her eyes wide open, inviting, sensuous, nervous, longing – I needed to kiss her._

_It was one of those fireworks kinds of kisses. I had been with a few girls in my time but this was something else entirely. I was blown away._

_"Oh disgusting, would you guys get a room," James said, as he and Peter walked into Madam Puddifoots with bags full of Honeydukes._

_"He's not half as bad as you and Lily," Peter scoffed, and they both made themselves at home at our table; James slumping in the chair and Peter reaching over to eat some of Emmeline's sundae._

_"What do you guys want," I snapped, a little more rudely then I had intended._

_James pulled up his hands in a sign of 'whoa' and rolled his eyes at me._

_"Ease up Sirius," James spat back, I knew I had annoyed him because he called me by my first name. "We are supposed to be meeting you-know-who about the you-know-what this evening and we couldn't find you. We had better get going."_

_It was seventh year and ever since the end of fifth we tried to never leave Remus alone on a full moon._

_"Meeting who?" Emmeline asked and I pushed her from my lap sadly. The last thing I felt like doing tonight was running about with Remus. It was the last weekend of school and next week was exams._

_"Nothing babe, I forgot about a thing I have to attend tonight," I said and her confusion was quickly turning to annoyance._

_"Please," I begged, "I'll make it up to you, I promise."_

_"You'll make it up to me?" her voice had raised two octaves, "it's our last weekend together before schools over forever and you want to go off to another one of your secret meetings? What the hell am I supposed to think Sirius? What is it? Is it another woman? A man? Please for gods sake just tell me."_

_I wanted to tell her everything, James and Peter were starting to get uncomfortable._

_"I can't, please, just trust me," I begged and kissed her on the head as I turned to leave with James and Peter._

"And what is so important that you have to sneak up on me in my own office, on my own time?" Snape snarled as he walked in the door.

Snape cast a warding spell behind him and moved to behind his desk. Remus had waited in Snape's office patiently until the end of class. He hadn't been there before and spent his time looking about the room. It was a little daunting, although he suspected that was what Snape was going for. There were jars of preserved dead things as well as a kind of messy neatness Remus found unnerving.

"I've just come off duty following Nott," Remus replied unsure on how to proceed. Snape was still staring at him as if he was greatly inconvenienced.

"And…" Snape prompted, "is this cause for some sort of celebration?"

That snapped Remus back to attention. He rolled his eyes at the sarcastic man.

"No, the man is trying to kill you. He hired a hit wizard today, Gavin Greengrass. I thought you should know, and now that you do, I guess I'll be on my way."

Gavin Greengrass was a nasty man, and while he might not have been a Death Eater he was well known in the wizarding underworld.

Snape stood up and twisted his face into what could be construed as a smile, "well, that should certainly liven things up for me. Please don't waste another moment of my time."

Remus shuffled to the door in confusion. The man could be so infuriating. Before he left he turned and said, "Please Severus, be careful." He didn't give the dark man time to respond before he let the door close behind him.

"How was your day?" Remus asked Sirius when he returned to the house.

"Don't ask," Sirius mumbled. He was slouched over the kitchen table. Molly was cooking dinner for them all and Remus could hear her in the kitchen.

"If it makes you feel any better I had to talk to Snape today," Remus tried to smile.

"It doesn't. Would have preferred the greasy git."

"Dear god, what happened?"

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Emmeline Vance dropped round," Molly said, "Sirius get your head up off the table." She had come bringing in the dinner things. Remus walked around the table to help her with the place settings.

"Emmy?" Remus asked. "So did you two talk? Did you try to work things out?"

Sirius brought his head up so Molly could put his place setting down and stared at Remus angrily.

"I hope you didn't put her up to this."

"No, I didn't, but you have to work together now and I can see that it is killing you to even so much as look at her," Remus tried to argue.

"You don't understand, she…and…ohh!" Sirius muttered angrily.

Molly sighed taking Sirius' hand gently, "I understand pet. There are some things that are just unforgivable."

Sirius nodded, whispering 'unforgivable' under his breath a few times before reaching over to snack on a bread roll. Remus wasn't about to argue with two hot headed Gryffindors, yet he felt the world had gone mad. Of course she didn't deserve forgiveness, neither did he, nor should he have forgiven Sirius; but that's life.

Remus forgave not because people had earned forgiveness, or asked for it but because he couldn't live hating, he couldn't live in mistrust and fear. He forgave for his sake. And, Sirius of all people should have understood that.


End file.
